• Empowerment

    Being Humbled: Progress Not Perfection

    It is January 4th and I pick up the barbell to do a set of overhead squats as part of my current training program. I put the bar overhead and begin to lower myself into a squat. I can’t do it. My arms won’t stay up. I feel like I am being pulled forward and may fall on my face.

    I want to muscle my way through the motion… but I seriously can’t. I throw the bar to the floor. I FAIL.

    Frustrated I grab the PVC pipe, hit record on my phone, and try again. Then I send the video to my brother. “Help me fix this, PLEASE!”

    Within moments I get a reply the length of a book. He points out how I am leaning forward. He gives me a few suggested drills to help increase my shoulder mobility and work on the overhead squat. I get to work.

    I am a firm believer in the saying “progress not perfection.” But I am also one that will practice like hell to get it right. So I get to work. I stretch. I work on engaging different muscle groups, I work on shoulder mobility.

    A week later, thinking that with all the work I put in during the week, I am finally ready to master this overhead squat. I get the bar up, pull it back, and get my shoulders back. I begin to squat. I can’t. Literally, I can’t go down. I feel like I am falling backward.

    Probably more frustrated than the previous week, I drop the barbell, grab the PVC pipe, hit record on my phone, videoed myself, and sent it to my brother. “Help, what am I doing now? ”

    Again, he is quick to reply. Being a good coach he points out my corrections. Tells me to keep practicing, and gives me some more exercises to help me make the needed improvements. And I get back to work.

    Then this week, humbled by previous weeks of failure, I skipped the barbell and went straight to the PVC pipe. I prepare myself. and begin to overhead squat. Immediately, I can tell these ones feel different. My shoulders are engaged, my back feels straighter, and the depth of my squat feels good. I grabbed my phone and hit record….

    WOW!!! That looks better was my only response. I sent it to my brother. Again, I get a response, only this time impressed with how far my overhead squat has come. In true brotherly fashion, he did give me a few pointers and techniques, minor corrections in the grand scheme of things, but overall he was impressed.

    And I felt proud.

    Being humbled by something you can’t do is difficult to stomach sometimes, especially as an adult when we don’t try new things very often. Every ounce felt weak when I couldn’t do this squat. It was deflating. It was frustrating.

    But I did learn a few lessons along the way to help. These lessons can be applied to anything you are looking to improve.

    1.) Remove the weight- take the load off.
    2.) Hit video record- sometimes looking at it from a different angle will help you too.
    3.) Let someone better than you take a look at the video and offer insight.
    4.) Work on small details, because they are all connected to the big goal.
    5.) Think progress, not perfection.
    6.) Practice.
    7.) Be patient, you won’t fix it overnight.
    8.) All reps count, keep recording, keep getting coaching, and keep practicing.
    9.) You will get it.

    When feeling like you are failing, don’t walk away and pout in frustration. Instead, use these steps. They can be applied to anything from athletic movement, presentations, training for work, and so much more.

  • Empowerment,  Habits

    Making A Change Is Hard: Do a Challenge

    There are a few things that I love about a 6 Week Challenge, whether it is focused on fitness, finances, relationships, spirituality, or some other area in your life. Here are 3 reasons why I think starting habit change with a challenge is a great beginning point.

    1.) There is a starting and ending date.
    Most of the time when we think about creating new habits, it is something that can be overwhelming. Seeing a starting and ending date gives you an advantage. An end date allows you to keep the eye on the prize. Personally, I think 6 weeks is a good amount of time. Typically, it takes 21 days to start to build the habit. It takes longer to make it part of who you are and your lifestyle. 6 weeks ingrains the habit into who you are, without feeling the pressures of lifelong commitment. By seeing the end date, you can build your confidence when you hit it. That confidence is so valuable to pursuing any change.

    2.) Challenges normally come with others who are doing it with you and a coach to support you.
    Having multiple people involved gives you a sense of community, support, and accountability. The cliche that it takes a village to raise a child, is also so true when it comes to changing your habits. People think that making changes is a lonely hard process. They are scared to ask for help. But the truth is when you have like-minded people make the changes together and a coach guiding you, you will achieve success. You have others to give guidance, offer support, keep you focused, and celebrate the smallest wins.

    3.) Challenges include invaluable knowledge.
    The other cliche is “knowledge is power.” But it is true. And the amount of knowledge you gain during a challenge is invaluable. During a challenge, you will be forced to learn. When you learn something, it can never be taken away from you. During a challenge, you will be forced to problem-solve. Those lessons will last longer than the length of the challenge. During a challenge, you will face adversity. Your perseverance will grow and be with you forever. If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you. And a challenge is designed to help you make those positive changes.

    So, now that the New Year’s Resolutions are starting to become harder, maybe research different ways you can get in on a challenge to help you begin fresh, find community, and learn.

  • Communication,  Empowerment,  Purposeful Living

    How to Powerfully Push Past Risk

    I have been writing a lot about risk and change lately. It is not bad. You can’t avoid change. The days change. You receive change. Your body changes. Relationships change. You name it. Change is out there. Many people spend so much time serving and avoiding change at all costs. But, eventually, it will find you. You cannot hide forever.

    People avoid change because with change comes risk. And the risk is probably scarier than the idea of changing. What if I join a gym, do not go, don’t see results, and lose all my money? Sounds risky. Sounds scary. We often paint the worst-case scenario in our lives. We think about the failure and it fuels us to avoid the risk.

    But as Kelly Clarkson so proudly declares in her song “Stronger,” “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…” And here is where I have been focusing my efforts for years. Instead of focusing on the moment of failure, focus on the moment after. The re-evaluate, the lesson learned, the rebuild moment. If you don’t succeed what happens? If you do succeed what happens? Either way, you learn, you grow, and you flourish… even in failure.

    I was a volleyball player. And literally, every point you allowed was a point of failure. The ball either hit the floor or your side or you hit it out of bounce on the other side. One thing most volleyball players have become trained to do is after the volley, everyone meets in the middle. We re-evaluate what happened and we celebrate the success or correct the failure. Lessons are immediately learned then applied with the next serve. There is no time to dwell on the mistake. There is no time to assess risk. And there is definitely no time to stop. You keep moving forward.

    I watched Lily, my 4-year-old learn this lesson while playing with her magnetic tiles. She was in her room and every so often I would hear this grunt of frustration, then the whole tiled building collapsed. She would rebuild it. And again, another grunt of frustration and the building collapsed. Finally, in a moment of exhilaration, she yelled, “Mom, come here, look at this.” And she built this beauty. A pentagon of colors and fun. An atypical design. A change from the normal square and cubes. Something out of the box. She risked. She rebuilt. She learned. And you can too.

    Despite the frustration, she rebuilt it until it was a success!



    The tool to develop is to focus on the rebuild and the moment about what happens next. The tool is to go into everything with the mentality that lessons will be learned, not failure happened. Lessons learned sound a lot less scary than “I risked and failed.” No, you risked, you learned, and you moved forward. So let’s make this year the year we think about the rebuild and the lesson, not the year of the avoidance to change and failure.

  • Empowerment,  Habits,  Purposeful Living

    Wednesday Wisdom: Why Taking Physical Action Benefits So Much More

    I had a client yesterday say that she was ready to make a change physically. However, our discussion took a much different turn. We ended up talking more about emotional and mental health. It’s true when you find physical success, your mental and emotional health grows as a result of that success.

    Those things that tend to scare us a little; for example, learning something new, making a commitment, or changing the direction of schooling, a business, or a career, test who we are at the foundation of our beings. Typically, being “new” or making a change is uncomfortable. It is out of that comfort zone. We are unsure of who or what we are in that new space. In order to make those changes, it takes risks. And risks are more terrifying than those monsters hiding under the bed when we were kids. SImply put, we don’t want to fail.

    When we decide to commit to making that change, that is where we grow. We grow phyically, mentally, and emotionally. Where more people make the mistake is that the commitment to change doesn’t need to be huge. Physically, you don’t need to go to the extreme. In fact, I never recommend that. Why? I think extreme change is hard and unsustainable. You are setting yourself up for failure. But let’s say physically, you start by setting your alarm for 5 minutes earlier in the morning for 1 week. With that 5 minutes, you incorporate some morning stretches. Physically, your body will improve its flexibility, which as we age is super important. And after 1 week, you feel proud of yourself for sticking with your commitment. Mentally, you are also building strength and growth. Stretching tends to help clear the mind. By following through on the 5 minutes a day, you are building confidence and self- credibility. With that confidence, you are emotionally more stable.

    This small improvement to your physical health will give you the power to try (or take a slightly bigger risk) another physical task. Maybe signing up for a yoga class once a week to not only improve that flexibility but balance as well. Or maybe making the physical commitment to after 5 minutes of stretching in the morning, drinking a glass of water (so many physical health benefits there).

    The point is not necessarily about exercise. When we physically do something, take physical action toward something, we grow. And that action, that physical growth, also builds your mental and emotional growth as well. It could be finally making that dentist appointment you have been neglecting for 5 years (action in the process is growth). It could be making the decision to physically wire money into your investment portfolio each week. It doesn’t matter. What matters is the action leads to growth. Learning leads to growth. Being uncomfortable leads to growth.

    What physical actions are you doing this week that will help you grow? Let’s share in the comments. And if you like this and other posts, please subscribe.

  • Empowerment

    Why Your Days Need More Suspense

    I have been thinking a lot about how and why suspense is built into our lives. Every good story has an element of suspense. But many of us avoid this important part in our lives. We all want more out of life, but are not willing to embrace the suspense that makes our story memorable. How do we add it to make our story one worth living?

    According to Webster’s Dictionary, “suspense” is the state of excited or anxious uncertainty about what may happen. Think about things that leave you in suspense. Maybe a scene in a movie. The music, the camera angles, the plot twists. Maybe it’s a chapter of a book and you just have to read the next chapter to discover what happens next. Maybe it is a football game with playoff potential. One event I found suspensful all week long was Demar Hamlin. After his heart attack during Monday Night Football, I wanted to know he was going to be okay. That state of unknowing left me anxious, nervous, checking my phone for updates. During certain TV shows that end with a cliffhanger I find myself lookng online for any spoilers. I want to be the first to know what happens next. The suspense of not knowing, again, gets the best of me. I need to know.

    Those things have filled the void of suspense in my life. I get the fix second-hand. I don’t seek out things that cause suspense that affect my day to day living, When it comes to things that affect me, I often associate suspense with fear and anxiety. My stomach gets nervous. I normally like to control expectations. I don’t like not knowing. I became scared of failure and not being good enough, When I was younger, I thrived on suspense. I loved when I would get excited before a big game or performance. My adreneline would spike. I would get into a zone that I don’t remember parts of games or performance. Now, as I have aged, I find those thrilling moments are not so exciting any more. Even if I practice, the suspense of trying something in my life is hard. I am uncomfortable. If I don’t have control, if I can’t predict what will happen, I struggle.

    So here are my starting thoughts on that feeling of suspense to calm those nerves. I recite like a mantra. “Please give me the courage to expand when I feel restricted, pivot when needed, and leap in order to fly.” and these are the moments of suspense are the exact moments that make my story happen.

    This week, I have a lot coming when it comes to adding suspense in your life, to help with feeling overwhelmed, nervous, and anxious. Hopefully it will fill you with excitement and give you empowerment to take on the unknown of the future. If you want to know more about how to build suspence in your life, subscribe and continue to check back all week!

  • Communication,  Empowerment,  Purposeful Living

    Ah-ha!!! I had an Epiphany!

    On the Christian calendar, January 6th is Epiphany Day. Others sometimes refer to this day as the 12th Day of Christmas. On the Epiphany, Christ is manifested by the Gentiles, who were represented by the Magi. They came bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. I once did I Bible Study where the lecturer discussed how these gifts helped provide the means and income for Jesus’s family to escape to Egypt and survive there during his infancy and escape Herod the Great’s plan to kill all young boys (2 and under) in the Bethleham vicinity. This lecture was a sort of epiphany for me and my understanding of how God provides.

    A nativity scene in lights! At Michigan International Speedway!

    This leads me to the second definition of “epiphany.” According to Webster’s Dictionary, an epiphany is an intimate grasp of reality through something (such as an event) usually simple and striking; an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure. Some of us call this the “ah-ha” moment. Cartoons capture this moment by a light bulb going on above a character’s head.

    When was the last time you had an “ah-ha” moment? Sometimes when I have these moments I feel young again. They inspire me to want to learn, discover new things, and seek knowledge. Ah-ha moments are motivational. There is growth. There is excitement. There are questions on how to apply this new knowledge.

    I am not saying that you can have “ah-ha” moments every day of your life… But what if you strived for a deeper understanding of something once a month? In order to do so, you must learn something new, find new experiences, get out of your comfort zone, and try. An epiphany will probably alter you in some way, whether it is how you approach a certain situation, where you place your time and treasure, or deeply spiritual. Not all ephipanies need to rattle your core, but they should make you deepen your understanding enough that you remember those moments.

    I had already mentioned the epiphany I had during Bible Study. I also follow several professional development coaches. A few years ago I was on a coaching call with Michael Bernoff. He is big on helping people have “ah-ha” moments. One of the biggest “ah-ha” moments I have taken away from him was this: when you say you are going to do something, then don’t do it… you are destroying your own personal self-credibility, which will also destroy your confidence and ultimately the best version of yourself. For example, you tell yourself (no one even needs to know), that you are going to get up at 5:30 and go to the gym. But when the alarm goes off you hit snooze until 7 am. By not getting to the gym like you intended, you are telling yourself that you are not credible. You do not follow through on what you say. Not having self-credibility can affect so many things in life- business, relationships, who you say you are, and more. This was an epiphany to me, and to tell the truth, one of the driving forces on why I get out of bed so early every day. If I have even the intention to do it- workouts, blog, clean the house, reach out to a member, etc… I want to make sure I get it done. I want to build my self credibility. I want to be the person that I say I am to others. And it all starts with following through with my intentions. It’s not crazy. But it was life-altering. When the alarm goes off, guess what I do? I get out of bed. Why? Because my self-credibility is on the line.

    On this day of the Epiphany… I want to hear some of your “ah-ha” moments. Your epiphanies. Comment below. And feel free to subscribe and follow! 🙂

  • Empowerment,  Habits,  Productivity

    Back to the Gym… Congrats!

    For everyone who is starting a fitness routine, or getting back into the gym… CONGRATS! It isn’t easy! And you are getting better.

    I took 10 days away from the gym. In my world, it seems like a lifetime.
    To be completely honest on Monday, I convinced myself to skip my workout. I knew it was going to hurt. I would be sore… and I didn’t want to do it. I let my excuses get the best of me.

    But on Tuesday, I ditched all excuses and got it in. I lifted. I taught a class. I did a Bas Rutten. Needless to say, I didn’t ease back into anything. And, I feel it today. My chest and shoulders are sore. My abs are sore. My legs and booty are sore. But I am glad I got back after it. It feels good to be back in my routine.


    I know starting/ or getting back into a routine is hard. So for everyone who took the first step in creating a new habit, a new choice, and a new lifestyle…. or for everyone who decided to start again (even if it is for the 25th time), CONGRATS! It isn’t easy. It will suck at times. But the journey is worth it in the end. Staying focused on the long-term result and taking it one day at a time will get you there.

    Need help with staying committed? That is another topic for another day. 🙂 Today, celebrate the fact that you did it (despite the soreness or other struggles along the way). And know that people are proud of you and recognize that it takes a lot of courage, grit, perseverance, and determination to start again.

  • Empowerment,  Habits,  Productivity,  Purposeful Living

    23 in 2023 Bucket List

    This week multiple people shared a similar idea with books to read next year, places to travel, etc.
    I saw someone do a 23-in-23 list. I think this can bring it all together. Books, vacations, projects, habits, etc.
    SO….
    Why not make it a graphic and share it with everyone as a free download?

    In order to make it work, think about 23 things your want to do in 2023. Matthew and I sat down last night and did it together. We brainstormed about things we could build, habits we wanted to put in place, and ways we can make our family stronger. We also talked about places to visit (even for a day trip that accepts crazy dogs). We just talked and connected for well over an hour about how we can make our lives better individually and together. It was great!

    You can easily do this activity alone or with others. Then you can share it. Cross them off when they happen. Make some of your bucket list items a true reality.

    Download, print, share, and enjoy! And if you really want to start a conversation, share some of your 23 in 2023 Bucket List ideas below. You never know who you may inspire.

    Don’t forget if you like this be sure to subscribe to get all the latest coming your way.
    If you need more ideas for how to set your goals for 2023, check out the blog https://purposelyempowered.com/word-of-the-year-for-2023/ which has a new twist on how to set up your year for success. 🙂

  • Empowerment,  Habits,  Purposeful Living

    Change Your Habits, Change Your World

    I think a lot about people’s habits. I coach people to create new habits. I believe we, ultimately, are our habits.

    Think about it. The habit of how you move and eat affects your body. The habit of how you think affects your actions. The habit of your daily actions affects how you are seen in the world.

    If you want to make a change, you must change your daily habits.

    There are many reasons why people decide they want to change their habits. For some, it is a health scare. For others, it is they are unhappy and making a change will bring more joy, energy, confidence, and happiness to their lives.

    At the studio, I am part of these conversations daily. People come into the studio ready to take the first step and make a change. For some, the first step is easy. For others, just walking into the studio causes anxiety, nervousness, and fear. As a professional, I remind them that it is okay to be anxious. Doing something different and out of your current routine is where that magical change happens. I also let them know that I will help guide them down this path. For many, it is important to know that they are not alone.

    Someone really dear to me recently changed many of her daily habits in 2021. She did it by taking on one habit at a time. She started by making the decision for herself, not for anyone else. She sought professional help and guidance. She committed. She came up with alternatives to keep her busy to break the habit. She developed a plan. I know these changes were not easy. But each day, I saw her become more confident in her decision and proud of herself.

    Once one habit was broken, she took on a second one. Again, she committed. She had a timer go off to remind her to complete her new habit. She didn’t turn off the timer or neglect it, even when she was doing something else. She focused on her new habit. The best part is she got creative to make completing her new habit fun. When things are fun, we are more likely to do them. When we actually do them, we see the positive result we desire. For her, that result definitely includes more stamina, more energy, a healthier appearance, better skin tone, and honestly, more laughing, smiling, and connection.

    To say I am proud to witness these changes in her habits is an understatement. I am elated. I am overjoyed. I am amazed. It has been one of the biggest transformations I have witnessed in my lifetime.

    The best advice when taking on any habit changing transformation includes:
    1.) Make the decision to change your habits for yourself
    2.) Revolutionize one habit at a time
    2.) Have a purpose for why you are making the change and remind yourself daily
    3.) Take it one day (sometimes one hour) at a time. Big results will add up over time.
    4.) Notice the positive changes the new habit has made in your life. Find the daily win.
    5.) Stay consistent.

    Remember habits ultimately determine who you are. To make a lifestyle change and change your world, you must start with small habits. And with one habit changed, it becomes easier to change more. You too can change your habits by adjusting what you do daily.

  • Empowerment,  Productivity

    100 Days of Logging Food

    Last week I got an amazing notification on my phone. It said I had logged into an app called My Fitness Pal for 100 days in a row. It didn’t seem like it has been 100 days since I started tracking my food. But, obviously, it was. I logged in each day. I logged in on bad days. I logged in on good days. I logged in when my food was pizza, cake, and adult beverages. I logged in when I ate healthy food. I logged in.

    The point is about consistency. Consistency when it is bad (way over calorie intake). Consistency when it is good. Consistency when I didn’t feel like it. Consistency when I did. If I only would have logged in and recorded food on days when I knew I ate well, I would not have reached 100 days in a row. If I would have recorded on days that I only felt like it. I would not have reached 100 days in a row.

    The result? I have lost 17 lbs in 100 days. I know a few people are saying… but Shelley you don’t need to lose 17 lbs. And the truth is… I probably didn’t. I carried a few extra pounds since having kids. But, today when I stepped on the scale I am only 4 lbs away from college weight. I am lighter than before I had Jack 5 years ago.



    Did I lose the weight quickly. Not really. 100 days for 17 lbs means I averaged a little over a pound a week. That is sustainable weight loss. In our society that expects results NOW, 100 days seems like a long time to only lose 17 lbs. But the next question is how long have you been wanting to get the weight off and it hasn’t happened? My guess is over 100 days.

    Today starts week 4 of a 12 week challenge sponsored by the supplement company at the studio, Prestige Labs. My goal for the end of the challenge is to be down those 4 lbs. I am not trying to lose that weight now. I am trusting the saying, “slow and steady wins the race.” I will continue to log my food. I will continue to move. I will continue to take my supplements. And I will continue to be patient.

    And I will record real data daily. I will monitor what works and what doesn’t. And I will be consistent. For, in the end, consistency is what makes all the difference.

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