Morning routines. We all have them. Some of us rise with the first alarm. Others snooze 12 times before getting out of bed. Some of us make our bed right away, while others choose not to make their bed at all. Some of us drink water in the morning. Others want to shake their coffee machine because it can’t brew fast enough.
Our routines are our habits. It is a reflection of what we most consistently do. While I do drink water, have a protein shake, and take my supplements while the coffee is brewing, it is still part of my routine. This morning, disaster. Somehow our BUNN coffee maker got turned off. The water that poured through the grinds was cold. The coffee… clear. Disappointing? Yes. Annoying? Yes. Devasting? Could have been, depending on the day.
I didn’t even like coffee until I was 34. That is what happens when you have a two year old and a newborn… you drink coffee to have a little energy for both. Now, I find myself making a cup for all kinds of random things. My hands are cold, let me make a cup of coffee. I need to focus on a project, let me make a cup of coffee first. It is quiet in the house, let me enjoy it with a cup of coffee. I just ate too much dinner, might as well have a cup of coffee.
I know I am not alone. Sometimes I wonder if we replaced the smoke break with the coffee break. I have never been a smoker, but I can see how taking a moment to make a cup of coffee can help you slow down, realign your thoughts, and breathe. I could be wrong. But I could also see it.
But, back to my original point… My coffee maker didn’t work today. I feel the hiccup in my morning routine. I feel like I am missing something without the warm cup in my hand, the savory smell, and the bitter taste. Please… get me my coffee!
For everyone who is starting a fitness routine, or getting back into the gym… CONGRATS! It isn’t easy! And you are getting better.
I took 10 days away from the gym. In my world, it seems like a lifetime. To be completely honest on Monday, I convinced myself to skip my workout. I knew it was going to hurt. I would be sore… and I didn’t want to do it. I let my excuses get the best of me.
But on Tuesday, I ditched all excuses and got it in. I lifted. I taught a class. I did a Bas Rutten. Needless to say, I didn’t ease back into anything. And, I feel it today. My chest and shoulders are sore. My abs are sore. My legs and booty are sore. But I am glad I got back after it. It feels good to be back in my routine.
I know starting/ or getting back into a routine is hard. So for everyone who took the first step in creating a new habit, a new choice, and a new lifestyle…. or for everyone who decided to start again (even if it is for the 25th time), CONGRATS! It isn’t easy. It will suck at times. But the journey is worth it in the end. Staying focused on the long-term result and taking it one day at a time will get you there.
Need help with staying committed? That is another topic for another day. 🙂 Today, celebrate the fact that you did it (despite the soreness or other struggles along the way). And know that people are proud of you and recognize that it takes a lot of courage, grit, perseverance, and determination to start again.
This week multiple people shared a similar idea with books to read next year, places to travel, etc. I saw someone do a 23-in-23 list. I think this can bring it all together. Books, vacations, projects, habits, etc. SO…. Why not make it a graphic and share it with everyone as a free download?
In order to make it work, think about 23 things your want to do in 2023. Matthew and I sat down last night and did it together. We brainstormed about things we could build, habits we wanted to put in place, and ways we can make our family stronger. We also talked about places to visit (even for a day trip that accepts crazy dogs). We just talked and connected for well over an hour about how we can make our lives better individually and together. It was great!
You can easily do this activity alone or with others. Then you can share it. Cross them off when they happen. Make some of your bucket list items a true reality.
Download, print, share, and enjoy! And if you really want to start a conversation, share some of your 23 in 2023 Bucket List ideas below. You never know who you may inspire.
Don’t forget if you like this be sure to subscribe to get all the latest coming your way. If you need more ideas for how to set your goals for 2023, check out the blog https://purposelyempowered.com/word-of-the-year-for-2023/ which has a new twist on how to set up your year for success. 🙂
Walking past a half-dead poinsettia, I picked it up, walked to the back sliding door, and tossed it on the deck. It’s December 26th, and Christmas in this house is officially OVER!
I enjoy a month of decor, color, and sparkling lights. But after a month, the rooms feel like they are collapsing in on me. I can’t breathe. Everything is so full, I can’t wait to purge. I can’t wait for rooms to feel big again. I can’t wait to find a spot to set my coffee cup on the end table without having to move something or pray a dang poinsettia leaf won’t fall into it.
So here I am, minutes after we unwrap each present, putting it all away. In the midst of packing up the totes of Nutcrackers (literally Matthew has collected hundreds over the years), I had an epiphany of sorts. Maybe we are all doing Christmas wrong. Maybe we start too early and are over it too soon.
Our society has lost the meaning of Christmas. Though we have songs about the “12 Days of Christmas” most people couldn’t tell you when the 12 days of Christmas begin or end. The first day of Christmas is Christmas Day. That’s right- the day we all celebrate. Day 12 is January 6th. The day the three wise men came to Jesus bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
Obviously, we have created a consumerist culture that celebrates the “preparation” for Christmas. Advent calendars, events, parties, shopping, wrapping, baking, visiting Santa… each year there seems like there is more to do to prepare for Christmas and spend money. And yes, I think it is important to prepare for Christmas. But for me, I do all this preparation so that the day after the event, I can’t wait another moment to put it all away. Hasta la vista, Christmas…
So while washing and packing all the Christmas dish towels and oven mitts, I continued to think about this epiphany. How can we celebrate these next 12 days? The preparation time is over. Now it is time to party. Am I partying or leaving the party early? It is a 12-day event… and I tapped out after 24 hours. How would life be different if I went into the New Year with a different attitude?
In the midst of purging, I hit pause on Operation Bye-Bye Christmas. I am going to leave the tree up. It isn’t the pretty tree that we put up the day after Thanksgiving. The needles are falling off. The ornaments that are sagging on the branches. But it is my reminder to still celebrate.
Last week I got an amazing notification on my phone. It said I had logged into an app called My Fitness Pal for 100 days in a row. It didn’t seem like it has been 100 days since I started tracking my food. But, obviously, it was. I logged in each day. I logged in on bad days. I logged in on good days. I logged in when my food was pizza, cake, and adult beverages. I logged in when I ate healthy food. I logged in.
The point is about consistency. Consistency when it is bad (way over calorie intake). Consistency when it is good. Consistency when I didn’t feel like it. Consistency when I did. If I only would have logged in and recorded food on days when I knew I ate well, I would not have reached 100 days in a row. If I would have recorded on days that I only felt like it. I would not have reached 100 days in a row.
The result? I have lost 17 lbs in 100 days. I know a few people are saying… but Shelley you don’t need to lose 17 lbs. And the truth is… I probably didn’t. I carried a few extra pounds since having kids. But, today when I stepped on the scale I am only 4 lbs away from college weight. I am lighter than before I had Jack 5 years ago.
Did I lose the weight quickly. Not really. 100 days for 17 lbs means I averaged a little over a pound a week. That is sustainable weight loss. In our society that expects results NOW, 100 days seems like a long time to only lose 17 lbs. But the next question is how long have you been wanting to get the weight off and it hasn’t happened? My guess is over 100 days.
Today starts week 4 of a 12 week challenge sponsored by the supplement company at the studio, Prestige Labs. My goal for the end of the challenge is to be down those 4 lbs. I am not trying to lose that weight now. I am trusting the saying, “slow and steady wins the race.” I will continue to log my food. I will continue to move. I will continue to take my supplements. And I will continue to be patient.
And I will record real data daily. I will monitor what works and what doesn’t. And I will be consistent. For, in the end, consistency is what makes all the difference.
I believe it is human nature to look for simple and easy. But, unfortunately, simple and easy rarely go hand in hand. For example, at the studio, we have a meal plan “so simple a kindergarten student could do it.” This is true, it is easy. But transforming your eating habits is a lot more difficult than following an easy meal plan. The idea is simple, yes… easy, not so much.
Personally, Lily is still in a crib. It is simple to quickly convert the crib to a toddler bed. However, training her to stay in bed and not get out in the middle of the night is not easy. Yes, again the principle is simple… yet, execution is not so easy.
You can even look at the simplicity of following the 10 Commandments. The idea of them is simple. Living according to the commandments… can be at times very difficult.
One of the big reasons why I believe simple and easy don’t often go hand in hand is because humans are creatures of habit, and building new habits is difficult. Often time we don’t know where to begin to make those changes. Therefore we look for the newest trend or fad. In the fitness world, this typically takes the form of the newest diet trend– KETO, South Beach, Whole 30, Adkins, Carb Cycling, etc. Each one of them promises to give someone a simple solution to their weight problem.
The thing is, people already know the basics of losing weight. The formula is simple. Eat healthy food and move your body. Obviously, however, the solution is not easy. That is why there is a billion-dollar industry filled with hundreds of “experts” claiming to offer the easy solution. Too many experts tend to cloud the “easy” part. We all have our opinions, knowledge, tools, and tricks to help get the end results. It leaves many people confused and jumping from one plan to the other. Ultimately, then what is simple becomes much more difficult and, for some, impossible.
So here is my proposal. In order to get the result (no matter the outlet), do these simple things. 1.) Make a commitment and understand that upholding your end of a commitment won’t always be easy. But the commitment will be worth it. Many people want to only make a commitment for a short period of time and expect a big result. We are talking about your life. Short-term commitments get short-term results. Quit fighting for the short-term and commit to long-lasting results. 2.) Understand the simplicity of consistency. Results are not magic and don’t happen overnight, but compound consistency each day, and amazing things happen. 3.) Hire a coach that has your best interests in mind and will work with you where you currently are in order to get you out of your current comfort zone. This coach will keep you accountable for making the new changes and consistent even when you want to quit and jump onto the next fad. 4.) Quit being addicted to comfort and allergic to sacrifice. That is right, change takes some sacrifice and trying things you have never done before. There will be times of surprise and moments of failure. But most importantly, you will learn and have new knowledge to help you make things easier in the future.
You want simple and easy… all humans do. But the two rarely go hand in hand. Therefore, take a deep breath and don’t be afraid of doing a little work and putting in a little sacrifice in order to make the change. It will be worth it in the end.
. But I have been writing a lot, actually… A WHOLE LOT!
At the beginning of March, I was hired to ghostwrite an e-book. I willingly took on the project with excitement and vigor. It has been a long time since I sat down to write anything over 1500 words. Due to signed wavers, I cannot share many details about the book, other than it was six chapters, 20,000 words, deals with toddler activities, and will be available on Amazon once finished. I do not have the official title or the “author’s name” for which I was writing. But the entire book was written and edited within 25 days.
I never thought I would write a book.
I never thought I was capable.
I never thought I had enough to say.
Therefore, when I took on the challenge, I didn’t have many expectations. I will say, however, that it was easier to write for someone else. In an odd way, it is liberating knowing that 99% of the people who read the book cannot associate it with my name. It is also nice to know that my income is not dependent on the number of books that I sell.
On the other side, I am really proud of the book. Upon completion, I couldn’t believe how easy it was to get words into sentences, which turn into chapters, which turned into nearly 60 single-spaced pages, all within a matter of weeks. I was reminded of how easy it is to complete a project like this when you have an outline and plan. Then, the easy part becomes executing that plan each day. Perhaps, maybe in the future, I will take on my own project and publish my own book.
But, in the meantime, here we are. Shelley Szparka is a soon-to-be-published Ghostwriter. And I think it is pretty cool!
It’s 5:30 am, and you hear that buzzing of your alarm. What do you do? If you hit the snooze and roll back over, you just lost the first battle of the day. You let resistance kick your bootay. Ouch.
Resistance is interesting. Defined by Matthew Kelly in Resisting Happiness, “resistance” is “that sluggish feeling of not wanting to do something that you know is good for you. It’s the inclination to do something that you unabashedly know is not good for you, and it is everything in between. It’s the desire and tendency to delay something you know you should be doing right now.”
I know i get that feeling all the time. It often leads me to procrastination, and for me procrastination leads to unwanted stress or ultimately feeling of failure. Whether it is little things like doing the dishes or more serious long term habits like taking care of my health, resistance often gets in my way. But guess what, the dishes are always going to be there and I know that I am rarely ever going to really want to do them, even though the kitchen will look better once they are all put away. And unfortunately, we also know that putting your health on the back burner for too long can lead to major health issues down the road.Â
For some reason, however, we still try to resist doing what we know should be done, many times until it is too late. But, I have a simple trick to help fight resistance immediately. People who know me know that I am extremely competitive. I hate losing more than I like winning. To know that each time I hit snooze or don’t do something, I am letting my resistance win instead of the “best-version-of-myself” and “who I want to be.” This feeling eats at my soul.Â
The person I want to be hears resistance knocking then knocks back saying, “not this time.” Then I get up and get moving. I get the dishes done. I put together and schedule my workouts and healthy snacks for the week. I make a plan to put my best foot forward. And then I take action.
For many things in life, taking that first step, beginning a new habit, making a change, is that hardest part. It is said that a space shuttle uses 96% of its fuel in take off. And for people, sometimes it has to take 96% of our effort to get started. Why? Because resistance keeps calling. It’s the battle with resistance which is holding you back from your dreams, your desires, your ability to lose weight, your ability to quit a bad habit, your strength to start something new.
That tug of war game between you and resistance will always happen. And resistance will always put up a hard fight. Resistance, unfortunately, isn’t going anywhere. Each morning and for multiple times throughout the day, you have to make decisions. And with each decision, resistance will creep in. I like to tell the resistance that I am more credible and loyal to who “I want to be” than to who “Resistance” wants me to stay. By telling myself that I have self-credibility, I am loyal to my dreams each morning and for multiple times throughout the day, I get moving. I get moving first thing in the morning, before anyone else in the house is awake. I get moving on the simple chores like those pesky dishes. I get moving on my workouts. I get moving and play with the kids. I get moving and try to move the needle of the business. The best feeling, however, is that with each decision to support the best version of me, the more confidence I build. Confidence is a great resistance warrior. And with time and practice, the pesky voice of resistance becomes a little quieter and easier to fight. I know it’s voice, I know it’s next move, and I am strong enough and motivated enough to shut it down.
I believe it is never too early for a fresh start. Monday’s are powerful days for me because they represent a new week, a new chance to grow. The first of the month is again an empowering day for me because it too is a fresh start. Same with my birthday, which also happens to be New Year’s Day. It is a fresh start, a clean slate to a brand new year. We have 365 days to turn our lives around into what we dream them to be.
I love when new potential members come into the studio for the first time. Most of them are looking for a fresh start, a chance to begin anew. When I break down some walls and get them really talking about their dreams and goals, I sense a passion about what they want and help them believe that they can do it. When they leave, their soul is on fire. There is a renewed energy to them. I also feel more alive, listening, watching, anticipating the growth this person is about to make my my team and I’s help.
Then through the course of the next few weeks, my job is to keep that energy alive. To be honest it is not the easy job. Each person needs different fuel to continue on their new fitness journey, without that fuel, many times old habits re-emerge tempting them to go back to the life they are trying to leave behind.Â
I have often found that it is easiest to renew my energy or someone else’s by renewing hope and by asking questions. It is through questions that we can learn what is working, what is not working, and then better understand how to improve it. Questions are powerful, amazing tools to help create your dreams into a reality. (Seriously, simple ask yourself a question like “what in my life is working right now?” And I am sure your will find answers. From there as “Why is it working?” And again more answers will be found. Then ask, “How did I get that to work?” more answers. Finally ask, “how can I apply what is working and how I got it to work to something that isn’t working in my life right now?” Again, more answers will be found.)
The best part of a question is that if you don’t know the answers you can always learn and discover them. Sometimes this discovery is by examining your past behaviors and patterns and creating change. Sometimes this discovery is through reading and researching new more exciting ways to do something. And, yet, sometimes this discovery is through asking for help, though a majority of us have an extremely hard time doing so.Â
Why is asking for help so difficult? I believe it is because throughout our lives we were taught to achieve independence: to become independent thinkers, to rely on solely ourselves. What happens is that this way of thinking eventually becomes our identity. We ultimately associate our very essence as self-serving. We don’t need help. Therefore, asking for help becomes hard, uncomfortable. We fear others will see us as weak, dumb, incapable.
Truth be told, as a coach, I am always willing to help people. Unfortunately, I am also not a mind reader. I cannot force my help on someone who is still looking at themselves as totally independent in their fresh beginning. I am on their team. It becomes a give and take relationship. With that, the super independent people have to be a little vulnerable, and willing to trust me and the process to communicate ways to make the changes last. Alas, change is very hard to do independently.
Most people also know that change is hard without guidance. That is another reason why they walk through the door. They are looking for motivation, inspiration, accountability to keep them on the path they want to go down and not on the current path they are on. Many of these people have started a million times (think about how many at home workouts or new diets you began and quit within 2 weeks). Eventually their independent, old self always won. It creates a feeling of self-defeat and that the self-sabotaging believe that you can’t do it.
The people who ultimately do make the lasting change learn one priceless habit, the habit of asking for help. That habit is one where you break down the identity wall, and continue to get coaching, guidance, accountability, and strength to create your dreams into reality and make your goals a working part of your life. Asking for help is one way to feed your soul, and to really get a fresh start.
At the studio, one way we market ourselves to the community is by running 4 or 6 week fitness challenges. Fitness challenges (as well as most fun challenges like writing, reading, etc) are exciting and fun. I love seeing all the new people come into the studio ready to take on the challenge, determined to lose some weight, tone up, build stamina and ultimately gain confidence. In the 28-42 days, people develop new habits, and learn many tips and tools to help them continue on their healthy lifestyle.
Recently we also completed a 21 day Instructor Challenge at the studio to record our results as we worked out, ate off the meal plan and added supplements to our routines.
Being in the challenge frame of mind, I have been paying attention to who ultimately wins the challenges and sees the most growth and success and who doesn’t. What I noticed is that it is quite easy to identify short term winners and long term winners. I call these two groups the “Escape Artists” and the “Those who Surrender.”
The Escape Artists: There are people who are counting down to the end of their challenge date so they can be done and proud they completed it. I call these people are looking for the moment of escape. A date when it is over. A date when they are free to do whatever they want to do again. Most of the time a date when they can pick up their old lifestyles and bad habits again.
Those who Surrender: The second type of people are those who surrender their old lifestyle in order to build a new one. They ask questions. They are coachable. They want to learn. They understand that at the end of the challenge they want to emerge like a butterfly, capable of maintaining or continuing their journey with the right community and friends cheering for them. They know that to sustain a healthy lifestyle that many people are looking for, the changes developed during a challenge are long term, not over because the date of the challenge has ended. Typically these people learn the most about themselves, their habits, and their choices over the course of the challenge, and develop the confidence to make healthier choices and habits for the rest of their lives.
Maybe you are not necessarily looking to take up a fitness challenge, but maybe it is something else that is challenging you? How are you approaching it? Are you an escape artist counting down the seconds until it is over or one who surrenders your ego, status, current habits to evolve into something better and use the challenge to help define the person you are becoming?
By surrendering, you will be more open to the situation. You will make decisions more clearly. You will learn to adapt and grow. You will find creative solutions to short-term problems. And most importantly, you will take the steps in the right direction to ultimately win the challenge. The choice is yours on how you approach different challenges in life, but as an end result, I always look ways that a challenge will improve my life forever, not just for those short few weeks.
