Mindset - Purposely Empowered

Empowerment, Purposeful Living

Encouraging One Another To Grow

February 22, 2023

It’s Ash Wednesday. The start of lent. Each year people look to fast, pray, and give during these 40 days. While some give up alcohol, sugar, soda, fast food, and clutter (please continue the list), I take this time to work on my spiritual life, to prepare my heart.

This year I am doing an email series by Matthew Kelly entitled The Best Lent Ever. Each day there is a short emailed video for reflection and typically an action item to spread the “Holy Moment.” Today’s action is to encourage someone.

Immediately, I was like this is an easy one. Being a mom and a fitness coach, I encourage people every day. I encourage my kids to write their letters, read their books, make their beds, and practice karate. I encourage our members to try new moves, to level up their skills, to continue until the bell rings, or to try better food choices. In those areas of life, I have become a MASTER ENCOURAGER. I never considered a moment of encouragement to be a “holy moment” for others. But for someone who rarely receives encouragement, it probably is a moment that is very special. A moment where they are recognized, noticed, pushed to grow, and celebrated.

Immediately, I thought about the last time I was encouraged. How did I accept it?

I think I am a person who is better at encouraging others than accepting encouragement myself. As a leader, I think I have created this personality that is the one to lift others instead of ever needing to lift myself. I am a know-it-all. I expect myself to succeed. I will discover answers to be prepared. I love to prove doubters wrong, no encouragement is needed.

How sad and lonely does that sound?

Maybe I need to soften my shell (pun intended) a little and allow the encouragement in? Maybe this is an area in which I can grow? To find others who encourage, not compete with me. To allow others to empower me, to believe in me, to encourage more out of me to break those limits.

I do think that when we are bold enough to encourage one another and are honest with one another about where we would like to see improvement in our lives (whether work, home, school, etc), the right mentors and guides will come into our lives. I believe we need to seek out mentors who will encourage us and help us learn new skills, and we are more likely to succeed. We are not in this world alone. We all need encouragement. We all face challenges. And we all could use that moment of someone noticing that we are trying and offering their knowledge, recognition, and advice to keep going.

I am not trying to press religion here, but I do think that today’s Lenten message has good humanitarian reasoning. So I challenge you… How can you either encourage someone or accept encouragement today?

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Shelley

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Being Humbled: Progress Not Perfection

January 19, 2023

It is January 4th and I pick up the barbell to do a set of overhead squats as part of my current training program. I put the bar overhead and begin to lower myself into a squat. I can’t do it. My arms won’t stay up. I feel like I am being pulled forward and may fall on my face.

I want to muscle my way through the motion… but I seriously can’t. I throw the bar to the floor. I FAIL.

Frustrated I grab the PVC pipe, hit record on my phone, and try again. Then I send the video to my brother. “Help me fix this, PLEASE!”

Within moments I get a reply the length of a book. He points out how I am leaning forward. He gives me a few suggested drills to help increase my shoulder mobility and work on the overhead squat. I get to work.

I am a firm believer in the saying “progress not perfection.” But I am also one that will practice like hell to get it right. So I get to work. I stretch. I work on engaging different muscle groups, I work on shoulder mobility.

A week later, thinking that with all the work I put in during the week, I am finally ready to master this overhead squat. I get the bar up, pull it back, and get my shoulders back. I begin to squat. I can’t. Literally, I can’t go down. I feel like I am falling backward.

Probably more frustrated than the previous week, I drop the barbell, grab the PVC pipe, hit record on my phone, videoed myself, and sent it to my brother. “Help, what am I doing now? ”

Again, he is quick to reply. Being a good coach he points out my corrections. Tells me to keep practicing, and gives me some more exercises to help me make the needed improvements. And I get back to work.

Then this week, humbled by previous weeks of failure, I skipped the barbell and went straight to the PVC pipe. I prepare myself. and begin to overhead squat. Immediately, I can tell these ones feel different. My shoulders are engaged, my back feels straighter, and the depth of my squat feels good. I grabbed my phone and hit record….

WOW!!! That looks better was my only response. I sent it to my brother. Again, I get a response, only this time impressed with how far my overhead squat has come. In true brotherly fashion, he did give me a few pointers and techniques, minor corrections in the grand scheme of things, but overall he was impressed.

And I felt proud.

Being humbled by something you can’t do is difficult to stomach sometimes, especially as an adult when we don’t try new things very often. Every ounce felt weak when I couldn’t do this squat. It was deflating. It was frustrating.

But I did learn a few lessons along the way to help. These lessons can be applied to anything you are looking to improve.

1.) Remove the weight- take the load off.
2.) Hit video record- sometimes looking at it from a different angle will help you too.
3.) Let someone better than you take a look at the video and offer insight.
4.) Work on small details, because they are all connected to the big goal.
5.) Think progress, not perfection.
6.) Practice.
7.) Be patient, you won’t fix it overnight.
8.) All reps count, keep recording, keep getting coaching, and keep practicing.
9.) You will get it.

When feeling like you are failing, don’t walk away and pout in frustration. Instead, use these steps. They can be applied to anything from athletic movement, presentations, training for work, and so much more.

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Shelley

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How to Powerfully Push Past Risk

January 12, 2023

I have been writing a lot about risk and change lately. It is not bad. You can’t avoid change. The days change. You receive change. Your body changes. Relationships change. You name it. Change is out there. Many people spend so much time serving and avoiding change at all costs. But, eventually, it will find you. You cannot hide forever.

People avoid change because with change comes risk. And the risk is probably scarier than the idea of changing. What if I join a gym, do not go, don’t see results, and lose all my money? Sounds risky. Sounds scary. We often paint the worst-case scenario in our lives. We think about the failure and it fuels us to avoid the risk.

But as Kelly Clarkson so proudly declares in her song “Stronger,” “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…” And here is where I have been focusing my efforts for years. Instead of focusing on the moment of failure, focus on the moment after. The re-evaluate, the lesson learned, the rebuild moment. If you don’t succeed what happens? If you do succeed what happens? Either way, you learn, you grow, and you flourish… even in failure.

I was a volleyball player. And literally, every point you allowed was a point of failure. The ball either hit the floor or your side or you hit it out of bounce on the other side. One thing most volleyball players have become trained to do is after the volley, everyone meets in the middle. We re-evaluate what happened and we celebrate the success or correct the failure. Lessons are immediately learned then applied with the next serve. There is no time to dwell on the mistake. There is no time to assess risk. And there is definitely no time to stop. You keep moving forward.

I watched Lily, my 4-year-old learn this lesson while playing with her magnetic tiles. She was in her room and every so often I would hear this grunt of frustration, then the whole tiled building collapsed. She would rebuild it. And again, another grunt of frustration and the building collapsed. Finally, in a moment of exhilaration, she yelled, “Mom, come here, look at this.” And she built this beauty. A pentagon of colors and fun. An atypical design. A change from the normal square and cubes. Something out of the box. She risked. She rebuilt. She learned. And you can too.

Despite the frustration, she rebuilt it until it was a success!

The tool to develop is to focus on the rebuild and the moment about what happens next. The tool is to go into everything with the mentality that lessons will be learned, not failure happened. Lessons learned sound a lot less scary than “I risked and failed.” No, you risked, you learned, and you moved forward. So let’s make this year the year we think about the rebuild and the lesson, not the year of the avoidance to change and failure.

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Shelley

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Why Your Days Need More Suspense

January 9, 2023

I have been thinking a lot about how and why suspense is built into our lives. Every good story has an element of suspense. But many of us avoid this important part in our lives. We all want more out of life, but are not willing to embrace the suspense that makes our story memorable. How do we add it to make our story one worth living?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, “suspense” is the state of excited or anxious uncertainty about what may happen. Think about things that leave you in suspense. Maybe a scene in a movie. The music, the camera angles, the plot twists. Maybe it’s a chapter of a book and you just have to read the next chapter to discover what happens next. Maybe it is a football game with playoff potential. One event I found suspensful all week long was Demar Hamlin. After his heart attack during Monday Night Football, I wanted to know he was going to be okay. That state of unknowing left me anxious, nervous, checking my phone for updates. During certain TV shows that end with a cliffhanger I find myself lookng online for any spoilers. I want to be the first to know what happens next. The suspense of not knowing, again, gets the best of me. I need to know.

Those things have filled the void of suspense in my life. I get the fix second-hand. I don’t seek out things that cause suspense that affect my day to day living, When it comes to things that affect me, I often associate suspense with fear and anxiety. My stomach gets nervous. I normally like to control expectations. I don’t like not knowing. I became scared of failure and not being good enough, When I was younger, I thrived on suspense. I loved when I would get excited before a big game or performance. My adreneline would spike. I would get into a zone that I don’t remember parts of games or performance. Now, as I have aged, I find those thrilling moments are not so exciting any more. Even if I practice, the suspense of trying something in my life is hard. I am uncomfortable. If I don’t have control, if I can’t predict what will happen, I struggle.

So here are my starting thoughts on that feeling of suspense to calm those nerves. I recite like a mantra. “Please give me the courage to expand when I feel restricted, pivot when needed, and leap in order to fly.” and these are the moments of suspense are the exact moments that make my story happen.

This week, I have a lot coming when it comes to adding suspense in your life, to help with feeling overwhelmed, nervous, and anxious. Hopefully it will fill you with excitement and give you empowerment to take on the unknown of the future. If you want to know more about how to build suspence in your life, subscribe and continue to check back all week!

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Shelley

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Ah-ha!!! I had an Epiphany!

January 6, 2023

On the Christian calendar, January 6th is Epiphany Day. Others sometimes refer to this day as the 12th Day of Christmas. On the Epiphany, Christ is manifested by the Gentiles, who were represented by the Magi. They came bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. I once did I Bible Study where the lecturer discussed how these gifts helped provide the means and income for Jesus’s family to escape to Egypt and survive there during his infancy and escape Herod the Great’s plan to kill all young boys (2 and under) in the Bethleham vicinity. This lecture was a sort of epiphany for me and my understanding of how God provides.

A nativity scene in lights! At Michigan International Speedway!

This leads me to the second definition of “epiphany.” According to Webster’s Dictionary, an epiphany is an intimate grasp of reality through something (such as an event) usually simple and striking; an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure. Some of us call this the “ah-ha” moment. Cartoons capture this moment by a light bulb going on above a character’s head.

When was the last time you had an “ah-ha” moment? Sometimes when I have these moments I feel young again. They inspire me to want to learn, discover new things, and seek knowledge. Ah-ha moments are motivational. There is growth. There is excitement. There are questions on how to apply this new knowledge.

I am not saying that you can have “ah-ha” moments every day of your life… But what if you strived for a deeper understanding of something once a month? In order to do so, you must learn something new, find new experiences, get out of your comfort zone, and try. An epiphany will probably alter you in some way, whether it is how you approach a certain situation, where you place your time and treasure, or deeply spiritual. Not all ephipanies need to rattle your core, but they should make you deepen your understanding enough that you remember those moments.

I had already mentioned the epiphany I had during Bible Study. I also follow several professional development coaches. A few years ago I was on a coaching call with Michael Bernoff. He is big on helping people have “ah-ha” moments. One of the biggest “ah-ha” moments I have taken away from him was this: when you say you are going to do something, then don’t do it… you are destroying your own personal self-credibility, which will also destroy your confidence and ultimately the best version of yourself. For example, you tell yourself (no one even needs to know), that you are going to get up at 5:30 and go to the gym. But when the alarm goes off you hit snooze until 7 am. By not getting to the gym like you intended, you are telling yourself that you are not credible. You do not follow through on what you say. Not having self-credibility can affect so many things in life- business, relationships, who you say you are, and more. This was an epiphany to me, and to tell the truth, one of the driving forces on why I get out of bed so early every day. If I have even the intention to do it- workouts, blog, clean the house, reach out to a member, etc… I want to make sure I get it done. I want to build my self credibility. I want to be the person that I say I am to others. And it all starts with following through with my intentions. It’s not crazy. But it was life-altering. When the alarm goes off, guess what I do? I get out of bed. Why? Because my self-credibility is on the line.

On this day of the Epiphany… I want to hear some of your “ah-ha” moments. Your epiphanies. Comment below. And feel free to subscribe and follow! 🙂

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Shelley

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23 in 2023 Bucket List

December 30, 2022

This week multiple people shared a similar idea with books to read next year, places to travel, etc.
I saw someone do a 23-in-23 list. I think this can bring it all together. Books, vacations, projects, habits, etc.
SO….
Why not make it a graphic and share it with everyone as a free download?

In order to make it work, think about 23 things your want to do in 2023. Matthew and I sat down last night and did it together. We brainstormed about things we could build, habits we wanted to put in place, and ways we can make our family stronger. We also talked about places to visit (even for a day trip that accepts crazy dogs). We just talked and connected for well over an hour about how we can make our lives better individually and together. It was great!

You can easily do this activity alone or with others. Then you can share it. Cross them off when they happen. Make some of your bucket list items a true reality.

Download, print, share, and enjoy! And if you really want to start a conversation, share some of your 23 in 2023 Bucket List ideas below. You never know who you may inspire.

Don’t forget if you like this be sure to subscribe to get all the latest coming your way.
If you need more ideas for how to set your goals for 2023, check out the blog https://purposelyempowered.com/word-of-the-year-for-2023/ which has a new twist on how to set up your year for success. 🙂

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Shelley

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Hasta La Vista, Christmas… In a Few Days!

December 28, 2022

Walking past a half-dead poinsettia, I picked it up, walked to the back sliding door, and tossed it on the deck. It’s December 26th, and Christmas in this house is officially OVER!

I enjoy a month of decor, color, and sparkling lights. But after a month, the rooms feel like they are collapsing in on me. I can’t breathe. Everything is so full, I can’t wait to purge. I can’t wait for rooms to feel big again. I can’t wait to find a spot to set my coffee cup on the end table without having to move something or pray a dang poinsettia leaf won’t fall into it.

So here I am, minutes after we unwrap each present, putting it all away. In the midst of packing up the totes of Nutcrackers (literally Matthew has collected hundreds over the years), I had an epiphany of sorts. Maybe we are all doing Christmas wrong. Maybe we start too early and are over it too soon.

Our society has lost the meaning of Christmas. Though we have songs about the “12 Days of Christmas” most people couldn’t tell you when the 12 days of Christmas begin or end. The first day of Christmas is Christmas Day. That’s right- the day we all celebrate. Day 12 is January 6th. The day the three wise men came to Jesus bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

Obviously, we have created a consumerist culture that celebrates the “preparation” for Christmas. Advent calendars, events, parties, shopping, wrapping, baking, visiting Santa… each year there seems like there is more to do to prepare for Christmas and spend money. And yes, I think it is important to prepare for Christmas. But for me, I do all this preparation so that the day after the event, I can’t wait another moment to put it all away. Hasta la vista, Christmas…

So while washing and packing all the Christmas dish towels and oven mitts, I continued to think about this epiphany. How can we celebrate these next 12 days? The preparation time is over. Now it is time to party. Am I partying or leaving the party early? It is a 12-day event… and I tapped out after 24 hours. How would life be different if I went into the New Year with a different attitude?

In the midst of purging, I hit pause on Operation Bye-Bye Christmas. I am going to leave the tree up. It isn’t the pretty tree that we put up the day after Thanksgiving. The needles are falling off. The ornaments that are sagging on the branches. But it is my reminder to still celebrate.

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Shelley

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How to Win A Challenge

February 25, 2021

At the studio, one way we market ourselves to the community is by running 4 or 6 week fitness challenges. Fitness challenges (as well as most fun challenges like writing, reading, etc) are exciting and fun. I love seeing all the new people come into the studio ready to take on the challenge, determined to lose some weight, tone up, build stamina and ultimately gain confidence. In the 28-42 days, people develop new habits, and learn many tips and tools to help them continue on their healthy lifestyle.

Recently we also completed a 21 day Instructor Challenge at the studio to record our results as we worked out, ate off the meal plan and added supplements to our routines.

Being in the challenge frame of mind, I have been paying attention to who ultimately wins the challenges and sees the most growth and success and who doesn’t. What I noticed is that it is quite easy to identify short term winners and long term winners. I call these two groups the “Escape Artists” and the “Those who Surrender.”

The Escape Artists: There are people who are counting down to the end of their challenge date so they can be done and proud they completed it. I call these people are looking for the moment of escape. A date when it is over. A date when they are free to do whatever they want to do again. Most of the time a date when they can pick up their old lifestyles and bad habits again.

Those who Surrender: The second type of people are those who surrender their old lifestyle in order to build a new one. They ask questions. They are coachable. They want to learn. They understand that at the end of the challenge they want to emerge like a butterfly, capable of maintaining or continuing their journey with the right community and friends cheering for them. They know that to sustain a healthy lifestyle that many people are looking for, the changes developed during a challenge are long term, not over because the date of the challenge has ended. Typically these people learn the most about themselves, their habits, and their choices over the course of the challenge, and develop the confidence to make healthier choices and habits for the rest of their lives.

Maybe you are not necessarily looking to take up a fitness challenge, but maybe it is something else that is challenging you? How are you approaching it? Are you an escape artist counting down the seconds until it is over or one who surrenders your ego, status, current habits to evolve into something better and use the challenge to help define the person you are becoming?

By surrendering, you will be more open to the situation. You will make decisions more clearly. You will learn to adapt and grow. You will find creative solutions to short-term problems. And most importantly, you will take the steps in the right direction to ultimately win the challenge. The choice is yours on how you approach different challenges in life, but as an end result, I always look ways that a challenge will improve my life forever, not just for those short few weeks.

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Shelley

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