3 Ways to Start to Set Boundaries

In my previous blog I discussed how I wish someone would have taught me the skill to set boundaries. Without boundaries, there is no safe zone. Without boundaries we often feel stressed, overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or angry. We all have a breaking point, and when we reach it, it is normally because we are living without boundaries. In order to have healthy boundaries, the first thing we must understand is our limits.

Below are three key areas to consider when you want to start to set boundaries in any area in your life.

#1: Give yourself permission to set boundaries.
For so many people you may feel guilty for setting up what is acceptable in life and what is not. Especially if you are a people pleaser and often find yourself saying “Yes” to everything and taking on too much, take a moment, have a heart to heart with yourself and let yourself take control of what you allow your boundaries to be. When you give yourself permission you are more likely to be honest with yourself about what you consider to be acceptable and what is not.

#2 Analyze areas in your life, especially people and situations, that cause you stress.
These areas are normally the areas where the boundaries are being pushed. Think about it, certain people are probably not respecting your time or energy, or certain situations that cause overwhelm happen to be repeating over and over again. This is due to the fact that your boundaries don’t keep these situations or people out, and you keep allowing them in causing you more stress. Once you have the list, you can come up with a solution to fix it. If you can’t keep them out, come up with a way to co-habitat in a way that allows you to keep your situation.

#3 Practice direct communication in order to establish a healthy boundary.
Now here is where the change really happens. Once the point of stress is identified, we have to “wo-man up” and have the tough conversation with the people or with yourself about the situations that cause you stress and begin to create the relationship and situation that works for us.

Now please note- once that boundaries have been defined and set, they will be tested. You are going to have to uphold those lines. But if you want to create a space of less stress, you are going to have to be strong and committed.

In order to stay committed, remind yourself of the stress that happens when those boundaries are not set. By reminding yourself of how it feels, you will immediately begin to enforces those lines that you drew as acceptable or not acceptable. Each time you re-enforce that line, it becomes stronger and easier to maintain.

Boundaries- they are a game changer. But you must learn how to set them and “wo-man up” in order to enforce them and keep the stress levels not as overwhelming.

Where are some areas in your life where you notice you need to follow these 3 steps to creating a healthy boundary and relationship?