Stillness… I think we all need it. A moment to breathe, clear our thoughts, and just be… Taking a moment to not play any role. A moment to release all expectations. A moment to find peace. A moment to hand over any problems. Even if it is just for 2 seconds… be still…
I am a sunrise girl. I love waking up while it is still dark. I love the quiet of the early morning before the kids start playing, the TV gets turned on, and the traffic on the road picks up. It is my time to think, plan, pray, and prepare for the day. Then something magical starts to happen. The sky becomes a little brighter. The sun begins to rise, sometimes a glowing orange ball and sometimes a hazy light in a gray sky.
No matter the day, I glance out my kitchen slider to see how the sun is rising, symbolizing a new day of fresh possibilities. I pause. Stillness. This moment is mine. Be still, and know.
I breathe. Sometimes I take a sip of coffee and am thankful for another day, another sunrise, and another opportunity to do my best. I find calmness deep in my soul. Sometimes I just look out in awe of what is capable.
Sometimes, if the time is just right, I sneak outside and take a picture or two and post the sunrise on social media. This moment that I hit the pause button has been picked up by my kids. Not too many days ago, Lily looks at the sky one morning and said, “Mom, look there is a pink rainbow in the sky.” I also learned this morning that my sneaking out to take a picture was also captured by my two little ones because Jack then promptly says, “Can we go take a picture with our tablets?” So much for being discreet.
This is that morning in mid-October when the kids insisted on taking a picture. It was special….
But it is in those moments (not minutes, not hours, not days), that I find peace. Where the chaos of the day doesn’t exist. A sunrise really is but a powerful moment. Each is a little different, and never at the exact same time. Always changing.
Do you have a moment in the day that you pause for stillness?
This morning the website hosting platform I use for the backend of this site auto-renewed. It was unexpected.
Honestly, I have not done anything with my blog in over a year, 15 months to be more exact. I forgot that the hosting platform was due to renew. When it did, I figured it was a sign that I needed to make a decision. Either I was going to have to go figure out how to cancel my renewal (which auto-paid-in-full for the next 3 years) or I would chalk it up to divine intervention and get back to some of my original ideas that I had when I began this page.
Sometimes the world works in mysterious ways. Recently, as I was cleaning out some old journals/ planners from 2019, the same year I launched this site. I stumbled across my original intentions for the purposelyempowered blog and my plans for how I wanted to help people. Reading those journals, I was more ambitious. I was more confident. I was determined. I had dreams. I had goals. I wasn’t so jaded.
But, I also never completely followed through with that plan. In fact, to be completely transparent, for the last three years, I have been on a damn hamster wheel having the same conversations and rarely acting on any of my dreams or desires.
Maybe that is why I quit writing. Maybe the last three years have taken my voice and all the risk out of me and replaced it with a ton of anxiety and angst. Instead of building those dreams, I feel like at times I have hibernated or backed down from my true potential. I have become scared of what people think or how they would react to my ideas, even the people I love and trust. I found myself rolling my eyes at personal development coaches and others who were motivating people to play bigger. I didn’t see the point of playing bigger. I was stuck. I lost that spark.
2022 reflected that “stuckness.” I have gone off the radar. I haven’t felt necessarily empowered. I haven’t felt inspired. It is hard to write and do things to inspire, motivate, and empower others when you don’t feel it yourself. At times I felt like I was going through the motions and at other times I felt like I had so many plates spinning that I couldn’t control them. This year was exhausting and draining… not inspiring… not empowering…
Yes, there were still plenty of good moments. The kids are growing so fast, and it is amazing to watch them flourish. I am thankful for so many blessings I have around me. I look for them all the time and smile. Those habits I have built (finding gratitude, looking for the daily miracle, etc) haven’t changed. Matthew reminds me daily that I am loved and special. We have traveled, even staying in a hotel for the first time with the kids. We have visited friends. I started taking Krav Maga, and have made it to my blue belt. I find a lot of strength in learning how to defend myself.
The studio changed locations, which is a blessing and a much better space to bring growth. It is also closer to home. But, more than anything, I miss my daily conversations with my mom. I haven’t been able to carve out time in my schedule now that I am not driving in the car for 20 minutes spans. Chatting with her was a chance to clear my mind, straighten out my thoughts, bitch and complain without any judgment or repercussions, and realign my ideas.
I wish I could say I quit writing because I have been so busy doing all these amazing things. But, I haven’t. I have been surviving. Life has its seasons. We all need to go through the uncomfortable and take a risk in order to better ourselves for those around us. The autorenewal was my reminder to get back to me and take that risk. So here I am… literally autorenewing a side of me that I have let surrender to circumstance.
I think a lot about people’s habits. I coach people to create new habits. I believe we, ultimately, are our habits.
Think about it. The habit of how you move and eat affects your body. The habit of how you think affects your actions. The habit of your daily actions affects how you are seen in the world.
If you want to make a change, you must change your daily habits.
There are many reasons why people decide they want to change their habits. For some, it is a health scare. For others, it is they are unhappy and making a change will bring more joy, energy, confidence, and happiness to their lives.
At the studio, I am part of these conversations daily. People come into the studio ready to take the first step and make a change. For some, the first step is easy. For others, just walking into the studio causes anxiety, nervousness, and fear. As a professional, I remind them that it is okay to be anxious. Doing something different and out of your current routine is where that magical change happens. I also let them know that I will help guide them down this path. For many, it is important to know that they are not alone.
Someone really dear to me recently changed many of her daily habits in 2021. She did it by taking on one habit at a time. She started by making the decision for herself, not for anyone else. She sought professional help and guidance. She committed. She came up with alternatives to keep her busy to break the habit. She developed a plan. I know these changes were not easy. But each day, I saw her become more confident in her decision and proud of herself.
Once one habit was broken, she took on a second one. Again, she committed. She had a timer go off to remind her to complete her new habit. She didn’t turn off the timer or neglect it, even when she was doing something else. She focused on her new habit. The best part is she got creative to make completing her new habit fun. When things are fun, we are more likely to do them. When we actually do them, we see the positive result we desire. For her, that result definitely includes more stamina, more energy, a healthier appearance, better skin tone, and honestly, more laughing, smiling, and connection.
To say I am proud to witness these changes in her habits is an understatement. I am elated. I am overjoyed. I am amazed. It has been one of the biggest transformations I have witnessed in my lifetime.
The best advice when taking on any habit changing transformation includes: 1.) Make the decision to change your habits for yourself 2.) Revolutionize one habit at a time 2.) Have a purpose for why you are making the change and remind yourself daily 3.) Take it one day (sometimes one hour) at a time. Big results will add up over time. 4.) Notice the positive changes the new habit has made in your life. Find the daily win. 5.) Stay consistent.
Remember habits ultimately determine who you are. To make a lifestyle change and change your world, you must start with small habits. And with one habit changed, it becomes easier to change more. You too can change your habits by adjusting what you do daily.
I believe it is never too early for a fresh start. Monday’s are powerful days for me because they represent a new week, a new chance to grow. The first of the month is again an empowering day for me because it too is a fresh start. Same with my birthday, which also happens to be New Year’s Day. It is a fresh start, a clean slate to a brand new year. We have 365 days to turn our lives around into what we dream them to be.
I love when new potential members come into the studio for the first time. Most of them are looking for a fresh start, a chance to begin anew. When I break down some walls and get them really talking about their dreams and goals, I sense a passion about what they want and help them believe that they can do it. When they leave, their soul is on fire. There is a renewed energy to them. I also feel more alive, listening, watching, anticipating the growth this person is about to make my my team and I’s help.
Then through the course of the next few weeks, my job is to keep that energy alive. To be honest it is not the easy job. Each person needs different fuel to continue on their new fitness journey, without that fuel, many times old habits re-emerge tempting them to go back to the life they are trying to leave behind.
I have often found that it is easiest to renew my energy or someone else’s by renewing hope and by asking questions. It is through questions that we can learn what is working, what is not working, and then better understand how to improve it. Questions are powerful, amazing tools to help create your dreams into a reality. (Seriously, simple ask yourself a question like “what in my life is working right now?” And I am sure your will find answers. From there as “Why is it working?” And again more answers will be found. Then ask, “How did I get that to work?” more answers. Finally ask, “how can I apply what is working and how I got it to work to something that isn’t working in my life right now?” Again, more answers will be found.)
The best part of a question is that if you don’t know the answers you can always learn and discover them. Sometimes this discovery is by examining your past behaviors and patterns and creating change. Sometimes this discovery is through reading and researching new more exciting ways to do something. And, yet, sometimes this discovery is through asking for help, though a majority of us have an extremely hard time doing so.
Why is asking for help so difficult? I believe it is because throughout our lives we were taught to achieve independence: to become independent thinkers, to rely on solely ourselves. What happens is that this way of thinking eventually becomes our identity. We ultimately associate our very essence as self-serving. We don’t need help. Therefore, asking for help becomes hard, uncomfortable. We fear others will see us as weak, dumb, incapable.
Truth be told, as a coach, I am always willing to help people. Unfortunately, I am also not a mind reader. I cannot force my help on someone who is still looking at themselves as totally independent in their fresh beginning. I am on their team. It becomes a give and take relationship. With that, the super independent people have to be a little vulnerable, and willing to trust me and the process to communicate ways to make the changes last. Alas, change is very hard to do independently.
Most people also know that change is hard without guidance. That is another reason why they walk through the door. They are looking for motivation, inspiration, accountability to keep them on the path they want to go down and not on the current path they are on. Many of these people have started a million times (think about how many at home workouts or new diets you began and quit within 2 weeks). Eventually their independent, old self always won. It creates a feeling of self-defeat and that the self-sabotaging believe that you can’t do it.
The people who ultimately do make the lasting change learn one priceless habit, the habit of asking for help. That habit is one where you break down the identity wall, and continue to get coaching, guidance, accountability, and strength to create your dreams into reality and make your goals a working part of your life. Asking for help is one way to feed your soul, and to really get a fresh start.
