I have been battling a fear of judgment lately. I find myself second-guessing things that used to come naturally to me. Do you feel me? Have you been there? Here is what I do to help.
For me, I used to be very confident. I felt like the expert in the room. I felt like my opinions and knowledge changed lives. Then, I made the decision to make a major career change. I became a newbie again. I dared myself to suck. I have to put myself out there and learn. And it is scary.
Every day I go to take action and immediately my limiting beliefs begin screaming. I don’t think people will take my career change seriously. I feel like my expertise is not up to par. I feel like everyone will be laughing behind my back, rolling their eyes and not supporting me. At times, those beliefs create anxiety, stress, and debilitating fear.
Then I have to take a big breath, put on my big girl pants, and take action. I know that I made my decision to make a career shift because I needed growth. I needed to be challenged. I wanted to expand in 2023. I also really saw an opportunity to help and serve people in a similar way that I had already I a ton of experience in: coaching. But I disrupted how people saw me. I had to rebrand myself. And people don’t like change. When someone changes, it is hard for the people in their lives.
After I remember my need for growth and change, I put on my big girl pants, and get my mind right. I tend to play a song that gives me some motivation and inspiration. Right now it is Carrie Underwood’s “The Champion.” This song connects with my ultimate goals. It shifts my perspective. It pumps me up, and recenters my goals.
Next, I remind myself that there are two sides to judgment- positive and negative. Most of the time people only think of judgement as strictly negative. You truly can’t live in a judgment-free space (though Planet Fitness makes millions of dollars saying they are judgment-free). Truly, you have to have both… In fact, someone once told me that the worst place to be in Switzerland. People are going to love you or hate you… that is when you have influence and leadership. If you are neutral you really don’t have any power, you can’t truly serve, and there is no one really to lead.
The people who value and care about me will judge me in a positive way. I will inspire, motivate, be supported by those people. Those who are going to judge me negatively don’t really matter. I ask myself, “Do I really care about what others say about me behind my back?” And if they are negatively talking about me, they don’t support me and I don’t need them in my life. When I think about the true people I want in my circle, I am okay if relationships based on negative judgment are abandoned, for those relationships are not ones that serve me and help me grow.
Once I remind myself that judgment has two sides, I take action with the people I want to help and serve in mind. Whether it is a Facebook post, a phone call, or a networking event, I need to put myself out there and know that there are people that I can help. When I act with this in mind, it makes judgment not matter. It builds my confidence. It fuels my desire to learn more to become more of an expert. It makes me want to make better connections and expand my circle in a new way.
Stepping back, I need to remind myself that judgment is a part of life, and to get to where you want to go, it will happen and make you uncomfortable. It is scary when you focus on the negative. But when you shift your perspective and rely on the positive, you figure out how you can contribute, lead, and serve others. Taking action on your goals becomes easier. You learn to take risks again. You learn who supports you. You grow. And you continue to challenge yourself and regain and rebuild your confidence. You got this.
