• Empowerment,  Habits,  Purposeful Living

    Lesson Learned: Forgive to Expand

    February 20, 2023

    “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17

    I check my Instagram messages and type, “Still good for 9:30.” Quickly I get a reply, “Yes, see you there.” I take a big breath. I am nervous. But, Lily and I are committed to meeting an old acquaintance for coffee. This person and I have not spoken in years and our friendship ended abruptly. I didn’t agree with her actions. I felt hurt and betrayed by her. I held a grudge. And I couldn’t forgive her.

    I requested that we grab a coffee. These last few months I have been thinking about her and our relationship. How we actually challenged one another and learned from one another… sharpened one another. We pushed one another’s creativity, competitiveness, leadership, and growth. I learned how to deal with conflict differently because of our experience. She actually sharpened me.

    When Lily and I walked into the coffee shop, she was already there. We walked up to her table and sat. Immediately, I remembered my word of the year “expand” and recognized that in order to expand this year, I needed to forgive. I needed to release my grudge.

    Was it hard? Yes. Was it super uncomfortable? Yes. Did I like feeling humbled? No.

    But when we walked out of the coffee shop nearly 2 hours later, I felt a release of something I have been holding onto with negative intention. It was calming and peaceful. It felt good. It was powerful. It was expanding who I am.

    Lesson learned: Forgiveness isn’t forgetting… it is giving yourself a chance to expand and grow.


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  • Empowerment

    Why We All Need Encouragement

    February 7, 2023

    “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” Thessalonians 5:11

    “I am just scared. Scared of failing. Scared of people taking me seriously. Scared of re-creating how people see me. And that is why I toss and turn at 3 am.” I told a good friend while sharing a glass of wine yesterday. Admitting fear takes down the veil. It also allows people to come into your life and reignite that spark that made you want to get started in the first place. When confidence is lacking, encouragement from others is needed.

    Unfortunately, we also live in a world where “independence” is praised, and asking for help is scarier than being up all night worrying. So we learn to suffer solo, which is a very grim world to be in. When we learn to let others into our world, dreams, and visions, we can come up with better plans of action to make them real. We can get that encouragement to keep going. We can gain insight into how to help one another turn an idea into a reality. Sharing is so important.

    Wow! To everyone who reached out yesterday and connected with my blog, thank you. To those of you who have grabbed a coffee, or dealt with my crazy through text, phone calls, in-person chats, and more. Thank you! Having encouragement and insight is amazing! I appreciate all of you!
    Brene Brown often talks about the power of vulnerability. But like many of us out there, especially in leadership positions, I don’t like to be vulnerable. It is just as uncomfortable as not knowing. But it also sparked a ton of amazing conversations, so much encouragement, and helped push past some of those limiting beliefs that caused fear in my mind.

    Cheers to all!



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  • Empowerment

    My 3 AM Restless Brain and Anxious Heart

    February 6, 2023

    “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139: 23-24)

    It’s 3 am, and I grab my phone and do the daily Wordle puzzle. It is the 27th night in a row that I have completed this puzzle in the middle of the night, the victory count helps me keep tabs. These middle-of-the-night games should not be my norm- but they are quickly becoming standard. The house is so quiet, except for my racing head. “What’s next? Where are you pointing me to go, God? Just lead and let me follow? I trust you, but would really like some answers as to what your plan is for me. Change is hard and super uncomfortable. I don’t like this uncomfortable feeling, this feeling of not knowing. I wish I could just fall asleep, turn off my head, and find peace for a few more hours…”

    Eventually, sleep returns And the 5:30 alarm goes off, only to start my day, with that same unknowing pit in my belly.

    Insomnia and stress go hand in hand for me. When I am worried, anxious, and not knowing what to expect, I find myself awake thinking, problem-solving, strategizing, and praying for answers. I am not one to get mad at the situation, I simply want to fix it and make it right by my book. And I WANT TO DO IT NOW, and I don’t care if it is 3 am!!! It’s hard to give up that control and trust that things will work out. My personality wants to bulldoze my path forward with confidence and awe. But internally, there is doubt, questioning, and worry, which all manifest in the middle of the night.

    Those limiting beliefs of not being good enough, not knowing what I am doing, and people not taking me seriously all creep into that already noisy mental space. Those voices can be soul-crushing. The question of whether or not my decisions are correct also lingers. Is this the next right step?

    And then (I like to think through divine intervention) it hits me. I want to expand. The anxiousness, though not fun, is calling me to grow. The next step in my growth is to make a decision and begin to follow through, which will build that confidence and fight that limitations and doubt. Failure perhaps is part of that process, but then I will make another decision and try again.

    Without getting everyone’s hopes up, I have some cool things happening this year. They are things I have been thinking about for quite a while now, and it’s time to see where they take me. I can’t share more yet, but soon (probably not tomorrow, or this week, or maybe even this month… but soon). And I am placing all my hope and faith that it helps lead me to something more everlasting.

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  • Uncategorized

    How To Ruin A Snow Day

    January 25, 2023

    Okay, I am going to say it. Snow days are NOT what they used to be. Whatever happened to waking up for school? Checking out the window to see if it snowed, Then turning on the TV to see if your school was listed. I remember mom trying to drop us off at the babysitter and getting stuck in the snow going up the hill of our neighborhood and turning around to come home.

    Now we get text messages and automated phone calls the night before to tell us that school is going to be closed in the morning. At this point, it hasn’t even snowed yet. And when we wake up in the morning, it still hasn’t snowed yet.

    Don’t get me wrong, I am all for planning as a parent. And I do believe that it is nice to know ahead of time that the snow is coming. But, it just takes all the fun and spontaneity out of a true snow day. And perhaps we need some of that spontaneity in our lives, or at least a morning when the world literally tells us to go back to bed. But that is only the beginning of ruining a snow day.

    Aside from being “unknown,” snow days are days to practice being present. The world miraculously tells you to take a break, to disconnect from the hustle and bustle of morning commutes, and to slow down. It will all still get done when the snow passes, instead, I couldn’t believe the amount of social media posts that stated people were bringing extra work home or kids that brought home extra school work. And this behavior is ruining a snow day.

    I understand not wanting to fall behind but come on. Why are we filling the snow day with more things to do? Instead, why not fill the day with enjoying the snow? Play. Embrace your inner child. Look outside your window at the landscape before you, because as soon as the weather changes, that snow is gone. Put on your snow clothes and go play. Enjoy a cup of hot chocolate. Snow days are about getting an extra chance to be a kid and enjoy the day with wonder. TAKE IT.

    Snow days are about creativity. Now hear me out on this one. We are so used to filling our time with mindless things to do. But, wasting a snow day is ruining a chance to make memories and be creative. Try an experiment and learn something new. Get outside and shovel the snow. Make a snow angel just for the hell of it. Smile. Laugh. Do something unexpected with your unexpected day off. Enjoy. That is what it really comes down to.

    Enjoy. Enjoy the “unexpected” day that forces you to slow down, be present, and be creative. Don’t waste a snow day by filling it with busy work and pre-planning because you will ruin it. You will make it pass by just like every other day, and when that happens, it isn’t special anymore.

    When I was a kid snow days were special. Let’s keep them that way.

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  • Empowerment

    Being Humbled: Progress Not Perfection

    January 19, 2023

    It is January 4th and I pick up the barbell to do a set of overhead squats as part of my current training program. I put the bar overhead and begin to lower myself into a squat. I can’t do it. My arms won’t stay up. I feel like I am being pulled forward and may fall on my face.

    I want to muscle my way through the motion… but I seriously can’t. I throw the bar to the floor. I FAIL.

    Frustrated I grab the PVC pipe, hit record on my phone, and try again. Then I send the video to my brother. “Help me fix this, PLEASE!”

    Within moments I get a reply the length of a book. He points out how I am leaning forward. He gives me a few suggested drills to help increase my shoulder mobility and work on the overhead squat. I get to work.

    I am a firm believer in the saying “progress not perfection.” But I am also one that will practice like hell to get it right. So I get to work. I stretch. I work on engaging different muscle groups, I work on shoulder mobility.

    A week later, thinking that with all the work I put in during the week, I am finally ready to master this overhead squat. I get the bar up, pull it back, and get my shoulders back. I begin to squat. I can’t. Literally, I can’t go down. I feel like I am falling backward.

    Probably more frustrated than the previous week, I drop the barbell, grab the PVC pipe, hit record on my phone, videoed myself, and sent it to my brother. “Help, what am I doing now? ”

    Again, he is quick to reply. Being a good coach he points out my corrections. Tells me to keep practicing, and gives me some more exercises to help me make the needed improvements. And I get back to work.

    Then this week, humbled by previous weeks of failure, I skipped the barbell and went straight to the PVC pipe. I prepare myself. and begin to overhead squat. Immediately, I can tell these ones feel different. My shoulders are engaged, my back feels straighter, and the depth of my squat feels good. I grabbed my phone and hit record….

    WOW!!! That looks better was my only response. I sent it to my brother. Again, I get a response, only this time impressed with how far my overhead squat has come. In true brotherly fashion, he did give me a few pointers and techniques, minor corrections in the grand scheme of things, but overall he was impressed.

    And I felt proud.

    Being humbled by something you can’t do is difficult to stomach sometimes, especially as an adult when we don’t try new things very often. Every ounce felt weak when I couldn’t do this squat. It was deflating. It was frustrating.

    But I did learn a few lessons along the way to help. These lessons can be applied to anything you are looking to improve.

    1.) Remove the weight- take the load off.
    2.) Hit video record- sometimes looking at it from a different angle will help you too.
    3.) Let someone better than you take a look at the video and offer insight.
    4.) Work on small details, because they are all connected to the big goal.
    5.) Think progress, not perfection.
    6.) Practice.
    7.) Be patient, you won’t fix it overnight.
    8.) All reps count, keep recording, keep getting coaching, and keep practicing.
    9.) You will get it.

    When feeling like you are failing, don’t walk away and pout in frustration. Instead, use these steps. They can be applied to anything from athletic movement, presentations, training for work, and so much more.

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  • Empowerment,  Habits

    Making A Change Is Hard: Do a Challenge

    January 16, 2023

    There are a few things that I love about a 6 Week Challenge, whether it is focused on fitness, finances, relationships, spirituality, or some other area in your life. Here are 3 reasons why I think starting habit change with a challenge is a great beginning point.

    1.) There is a starting and ending date.
    Most of the time when we think about creating new habits, it is something that can be overwhelming. Seeing a starting and ending date gives you an advantage. An end date allows you to keep the eye on the prize. Personally, I think 6 weeks is a good amount of time. Typically, it takes 21 days to start to build the habit. It takes longer to make it part of who you are and your lifestyle. 6 weeks ingrains the habit into who you are, without feeling the pressures of lifelong commitment. By seeing the end date, you can build your confidence when you hit it. That confidence is so valuable to pursuing any change.

    2.) Challenges normally come with others who are doing it with you and a coach to support you.
    Having multiple people involved gives you a sense of community, support, and accountability. The cliche that it takes a village to raise a child, is also so true when it comes to changing your habits. People think that making changes is a lonely hard process. They are scared to ask for help. But the truth is when you have like-minded people make the changes together and a coach guiding you, you will achieve success. You have others to give guidance, offer support, keep you focused, and celebrate the smallest wins.

    3.) Challenges include invaluable knowledge.
    The other cliche is “knowledge is power.” But it is true. And the amount of knowledge you gain during a challenge is invaluable. During a challenge, you will be forced to learn. When you learn something, it can never be taken away from you. During a challenge, you will be forced to problem-solve. Those lessons will last longer than the length of the challenge. During a challenge, you will face adversity. Your perseverance will grow and be with you forever. If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you. And a challenge is designed to help you make those positive changes.

    So, now that the New Year’s Resolutions are starting to become harder, maybe research different ways you can get in on a challenge to help you begin fresh, find community, and learn.

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  • Communication,  Empowerment,  Purposeful Living

    How to Powerfully Push Past Risk

    January 12, 2023

    I have been writing a lot about risk and change lately. It is not bad. You can’t avoid change. The days change. You receive change. Your body changes. Relationships change. You name it. Change is out there. Many people spend so much time serving and avoiding change at all costs. But, eventually, it will find you. You cannot hide forever.

    People avoid change because with change comes risk. And the risk is probably scarier than the idea of changing. What if I join a gym, do not go, don’t see results, and lose all my money? Sounds risky. Sounds scary. We often paint the worst-case scenario in our lives. We think about the failure and it fuels us to avoid the risk.

    But as Kelly Clarkson so proudly declares in her song “Stronger,” “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…” And here is where I have been focusing my efforts for years. Instead of focusing on the moment of failure, focus on the moment after. The re-evaluate, the lesson learned, the rebuild moment. If you don’t succeed what happens? If you do succeed what happens? Either way, you learn, you grow, and you flourish… even in failure.

    I was a volleyball player. And literally, every point you allowed was a point of failure. The ball either hit the floor or your side or you hit it out of bounce on the other side. One thing most volleyball players have become trained to do is after the volley, everyone meets in the middle. We re-evaluate what happened and we celebrate the success or correct the failure. Lessons are immediately learned then applied with the next serve. There is no time to dwell on the mistake. There is no time to assess risk. And there is definitely no time to stop. You keep moving forward.

    I watched Lily, my 4-year-old learn this lesson while playing with her magnetic tiles. She was in her room and every so often I would hear this grunt of frustration, then the whole tiled building collapsed. She would rebuild it. And again, another grunt of frustration and the building collapsed. Finally, in a moment of exhilaration, she yelled, “Mom, come here, look at this.” And she built this beauty. A pentagon of colors and fun. An atypical design. A change from the normal square and cubes. Something out of the box. She risked. She rebuilt. She learned. And you can too.

    Despite the frustration, she rebuilt it until it was a success!



    The tool to develop is to focus on the rebuild and the moment about what happens next. The tool is to go into everything with the mentality that lessons will be learned, not failure happened. Lessons learned sound a lot less scary than “I risked and failed.” No, you risked, you learned, and you moved forward. So let’s make this year the year we think about the rebuild and the lesson, not the year of the avoidance to change and failure.

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  • Empowerment,  Habits,  Purposeful Living

    Wednesday Wisdom: Why Taking Physical Action Benefits So Much More

    January 11, 2023

    I had a client yesterday say that she was ready to make a change physically. However, our discussion took a much different turn. We ended up talking more about emotional and mental health. It’s true when you find physical success, your mental and emotional health grows as a result of that success.

    Those things that tend to scare us a little; for example, learning something new, making a commitment, or changing the direction of schooling, a business, or a career, test who we are at the foundation of our beings. Typically, being “new” or making a change is uncomfortable. It is out of that comfort zone. We are unsure of who or what we are in that new space. In order to make those changes, it takes risks. And risks are more terrifying than those monsters hiding under the bed when we were kids. SImply put, we don’t want to fail.

    When we decide to commit to making that change, that is where we grow. We grow phyically, mentally, and emotionally. Where more people make the mistake is that the commitment to change doesn’t need to be huge. Physically, you don’t need to go to the extreme. In fact, I never recommend that. Why? I think extreme change is hard and unsustainable. You are setting yourself up for failure. But let’s say physically, you start by setting your alarm for 5 minutes earlier in the morning for 1 week. With that 5 minutes, you incorporate some morning stretches. Physically, your body will improve its flexibility, which as we age is super important. And after 1 week, you feel proud of yourself for sticking with your commitment. Mentally, you are also building strength and growth. Stretching tends to help clear the mind. By following through on the 5 minutes a day, you are building confidence and self- credibility. With that confidence, you are emotionally more stable.

    This small improvement to your physical health will give you the power to try (or take a slightly bigger risk) another physical task. Maybe signing up for a yoga class once a week to not only improve that flexibility but balance as well. Or maybe making the physical commitment to after 5 minutes of stretching in the morning, drinking a glass of water (so many physical health benefits there).

    The point is not necessarily about exercise. When we physically do something, take physical action toward something, we grow. And that action, that physical growth, also builds your mental and emotional growth as well. It could be finally making that dentist appointment you have been neglecting for 5 years (action in the process is growth). It could be making the decision to physically wire money into your investment portfolio each week. It doesn’t matter. What matters is the action leads to growth. Learning leads to growth. Being uncomfortable leads to growth.

    What physical actions are you doing this week that will help you grow? Let’s share in the comments. And if you like this and other posts, please subscribe.

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  • Empowerment

    Why Your Days Need More Suspense

    January 9, 2023

    I have been thinking a lot about how and why suspense is built into our lives. Every good story has an element of suspense. But many of us avoid this important part in our lives. We all want more out of life, but are not willing to embrace the suspense that makes our story memorable. How do we add it to make our story one worth living?

    According to Webster’s Dictionary, “suspense” is the state of excited or anxious uncertainty about what may happen. Think about things that leave you in suspense. Maybe a scene in a movie. The music, the camera angles, the plot twists. Maybe it’s a chapter of a book and you just have to read the next chapter to discover what happens next. Maybe it is a football game with playoff potential. One event I found suspensful all week long was Demar Hamlin. After his heart attack during Monday Night Football, I wanted to know he was going to be okay. That state of unknowing left me anxious, nervous, checking my phone for updates. During certain TV shows that end with a cliffhanger I find myself lookng online for any spoilers. I want to be the first to know what happens next. The suspense of not knowing, again, gets the best of me. I need to know.

    Those things have filled the void of suspense in my life. I get the fix second-hand. I don’t seek out things that cause suspense that affect my day to day living, When it comes to things that affect me, I often associate suspense with fear and anxiety. My stomach gets nervous. I normally like to control expectations. I don’t like not knowing. I became scared of failure and not being good enough, When I was younger, I thrived on suspense. I loved when I would get excited before a big game or performance. My adreneline would spike. I would get into a zone that I don’t remember parts of games or performance. Now, as I have aged, I find those thrilling moments are not so exciting any more. Even if I practice, the suspense of trying something in my life is hard. I am uncomfortable. If I don’t have control, if I can’t predict what will happen, I struggle.

    So here are my starting thoughts on that feeling of suspense to calm those nerves. I recite like a mantra. “Please give me the courage to expand when I feel restricted, pivot when needed, and leap in order to fly.” and these are the moments of suspense are the exact moments that make my story happen.

    This week, I have a lot coming when it comes to adding suspense in your life, to help with feeling overwhelmed, nervous, and anxious. Hopefully it will fill you with excitement and give you empowerment to take on the unknown of the future. If you want to know more about how to build suspence in your life, subscribe and continue to check back all week!

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  • Communication,  Empowerment,  Purposeful Living

    Ah-ha!!! I had an Epiphany!

    January 6, 2023

    On the Christian calendar, January 6th is Epiphany Day. Others sometimes refer to this day as the 12th Day of Christmas. On the Epiphany, Christ is manifested by the Gentiles, who were represented by the Magi. They came bearing gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. I once did I Bible Study where the lecturer discussed how these gifts helped provide the means and income for Jesus’s family to escape to Egypt and survive there during his infancy and escape Herod the Great’s plan to kill all young boys (2 and under) in the Bethleham vicinity. This lecture was a sort of epiphany for me and my understanding of how God provides.

    A nativity scene in lights! At Michigan International Speedway!

    This leads me to the second definition of “epiphany.” According to Webster’s Dictionary, an epiphany is an intimate grasp of reality through something (such as an event) usually simple and striking; an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure. Some of us call this the “ah-ha” moment. Cartoons capture this moment by a light bulb going on above a character’s head.

    When was the last time you had an “ah-ha” moment? Sometimes when I have these moments I feel young again. They inspire me to want to learn, discover new things, and seek knowledge. Ah-ha moments are motivational. There is growth. There is excitement. There are questions on how to apply this new knowledge.

    I am not saying that you can have “ah-ha” moments every day of your life… But what if you strived for a deeper understanding of something once a month? In order to do so, you must learn something new, find new experiences, get out of your comfort zone, and try. An epiphany will probably alter you in some way, whether it is how you approach a certain situation, where you place your time and treasure, or deeply spiritual. Not all ephipanies need to rattle your core, but they should make you deepen your understanding enough that you remember those moments.

    I had already mentioned the epiphany I had during Bible Study. I also follow several professional development coaches. A few years ago I was on a coaching call with Michael Bernoff. He is big on helping people have “ah-ha” moments. One of the biggest “ah-ha” moments I have taken away from him was this: when you say you are going to do something, then don’t do it… you are destroying your own personal self-credibility, which will also destroy your confidence and ultimately the best version of yourself. For example, you tell yourself (no one even needs to know), that you are going to get up at 5:30 and go to the gym. But when the alarm goes off you hit snooze until 7 am. By not getting to the gym like you intended, you are telling yourself that you are not credible. You do not follow through on what you say. Not having self-credibility can affect so many things in life- business, relationships, who you say you are, and more. This was an epiphany to me, and to tell the truth, one of the driving forces on why I get out of bed so early every day. If I have even the intention to do it- workouts, blog, clean the house, reach out to a member, etc… I want to make sure I get it done. I want to build my self credibility. I want to be the person that I say I am to others. And it all starts with following through with my intentions. It’s not crazy. But it was life-altering. When the alarm goes off, guess what I do? I get out of bed. Why? Because my self-credibility is on the line.

    On this day of the Epiphany… I want to hear some of your “ah-ha” moments. Your epiphanies. Comment below. And feel free to subscribe and follow! 🙂

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