“As you travel through life, my friend, whatever be thy goal,
Focus on the doughnut, and not the hole.” Optimist’s Creed

I was introduced to the Optimist’s Creed 5 years ago, by Jeff, an owner of the studio.  I was new to my leadership role, and often found myself looking for things that were not there instead of focusing on all the good that was manifesting right before my eyes. Pretty soon, this lesson was adopted into my team and the idea of “focusing on the doughnut and not the hole” became my team’s mantra. Whenever stress and overwhelm would take over on a shift, my team would remind one another “doughnut not the hole.” Immediately we would shift our perception and look for the good that was right in front of us. Maybe it was a member wearing a tanktop for the first time, or a member consistently coming to class 3 times a week, or a member doing pushups on their toes, or a fellow team member teaching an amazing class, we were always on a mission to find the good.  Focusing on the good opened our eyes to more good. More good brought on more things to be grateful for. More gratitude brought on more positivity. And positivity spread like wildfire from the instructors to the members and into the member’s lives outside of our walls. 

Fast forward 5 years. Here we are in the middle of rebranding the studio. As of March 1st, we are no longer part of the ilovekickboxing franchise. Now, we are completely independent and known as Club Kickbox.

During this time it is easy to focus on what is missing, instead of the good that is in front of us (the doughnut). Since we opened Perrysburg 5 years ago, I have always strived to teach my team to make the environment and community one of fun, of positivity, of empowerment, of encouragement, of success, of passion. We will continue to provide that same environment. A positive community, where people want to come and continue to show up, is part of my doughnut.

The difference is that we are adding in more, again this is not a bad thing. We are able to provide a higher level service and coach people in better ways. We are able to help more, we are able to dig deeper and really change people’s lives if they will let us. Again, focusing on the doughnut not the hole, right now there are many distractions that I can focus on with the rebrand. But my eyes are on the prize. 

This new rebranding is something that I believe in and something that I am willing to fight for, to adapt to. In fact, I am really excited about the ways we can really help our community and spread more positivity and empowerment, including different types of resistance training, workshops, seminars, challenges, and so much more. The possibilities are endless, and helping people feel strong, empowered, confident, and alive is my personal ultimate goal and one that I choose to continue to focus on, it is my doughnut, not the hole. 

How can you apply this?
1.) Come up with 3 or 4 things that you want to focus on (your doughnut), disregard the holes 🙂
2.) When faced with a challenge, ask yourself if it helps meet these 3 or 4 things you are focusing on. If it does continue, if it doesn’t refocus to the doughnut
3.) Stay the course, the good is around you, but you must develop the habit of looking for it and discovering it. Even if it is tiny and minute, find it. More good can grow from very small things.

And always remember the Optimist’s Creed- my mantra- focus on the doughnut and not the hole.

Show of hands… how many of you hate Mondays? That alarm goes off Monday morning and you immediately hit snooze and wish there was a way to magically turn back time to Sunday morning. I totally get it, I mean no one really likes Monday. It is 5 days until the weekend when you can relax again… right? What if there was a way to make Mondays less dreadful?

One way I make the start of the week less stressful is by actually shifting the start of my week from Monday to Sunday. Sundays have a different tone. They are a slower paced day, a day for fun and family, a day for worship and love, a day for connection… and for me also a day for planning. When I shifted the start of my week to Sunday, I realized that I can actually be more prepared throughout the week and can start my week more centered and balanced than full of work and overwhelm.

On Sundays I plan my week. I sit down for about 30 minutes and write down the things that must get done. This “must list” includes events going on, appointments, meetings, workout times, work projects, bills that need to get paid, and more. Next I schedule what I am going to get done each day. When I schedule these things, I keep to them just like would a doctor’s appointment, which helps me stay focused and accountable throughout the week and remain efficient.

Once my week is planned, I look at groceries that need to be bought and make my list. I also evaluate what chores need to be completed and set up a schedule for the week. This entire planning period is less than 45 minutes, but saves me so much stress throughout the week, especially Monday morning. Why? Because I have a plan that I can attack the week with to get me moving.

Then I turn it all off and have some fun! I relax, I play with the kids, I laugh and smile! I am ready for the rest of the week, and that is a pretty powerful way to start the week.

When I switched from my week starting on Monday to Sunday, I get to start my week on my own terms- my terms of inspirations, fun, excitement, and relaxation… not with the stress that Monday tends to provide, and for me that has made a load of difference in my overall happiness.

This morning I looked at a daily motivational quote that said, “Give Yourself credit for the days you made it when you thought you couldn’t.”

Giving yourself credit is hard, really really hard. Personally, I am not a self promoter. I am thankful for my accomplishments but I think sometimes when I want to give myself credit I am bragging about something or showing off. And that is not a characteristic I believe in my mind to be positive. I have a hard time sharing the moments when I have overcome adversity. I have a hard time admitting when I am not good at something. I have a hard time admitting failures and struggles. But truth be told, our struggles help define who we are. Those days when you stuck with it, despite things pushing against you, are badges of honor to your commitment and perseverance, and those moments need to be credited.

Sometimes the adversity that we overcome is small. There are people I talk with daily who are so glad that they stuck to the commitment of hitting the gym. I tell them to give themselves credit, that many people would have used just a little adversity as an excuse to not show up. One in particular at my studio is a social worker. She checked in on Facebook about how hard it was wake up to exercise, especially after a hard day at work the previous day. Social workers are exposed to a lot of darkness, yet can provide so much light in the world as well. When she put her excuses behind her and actually made it to the gym, she was able to relieve the stress and become a better version of herself, which allows her to support the people she serves locally. When she is the best version of herself, she is able to create a more positive impact and more light in the dark, dismal world. That success needs to be credited and celebrated. Though getting to the gym was a small victory, she did it and is better for it.

There are other examples too. Mom examples. Lily, my 2 year old, had a period of time that she would blow out a diaper, resulting to an immediate bath, a load of laundry, and sometimes an unexpected disinfecting of toys. The thing is, you never knew when it was coming. I am a mom who lives by a schedule, which made these extra 10 minutes very frustrating. When I was in grad school, I had a dear friend of mine remind me that “somehow, some way, it all gets done.” This saying became my mantra when things like blow out diapers became overwhelming. I knew that I would still find a way to push through. Many times, I don’t think I gave myself enough credit for not losing it and for maintaining my composure when I was literally up to my elbows in “sh#t”. But now, in retrospect, I can say it! I AM MOM… HEAR ME ROAR! That is an empowering feeling.

So yes, taking a moment to reflect on what you accomplished even when it isn’t the prettiest, it is hard, it is difficult allows you to build that confidence to know that with these experiences you are becoming stronger and that you are capable of doing so much more than you think is possible.

Oh work-life integration. The perfect life where you can work and still balance a life. This new buzz word was to replace work-life balance in many major HR trains of thought. Millennials are especially drawn to this idea. Being on the front end of the millennial spectrum (born in 1984), I saw the changes that happened with the internet, I saw the rise of remote working, and I am a victim of the instant gratification that has overtaken society.

Having two young kids, I was drawn to the idea of work-life integration, and part of me has to be. I tried the wholly immersed work-life integration for 6 months. What at first was exciting soon turned to dread, and I couldn’t wait to be back in the studio (my office). I believe there were two key skills that I was missing in my life that allowed me to burnout quickly in the work-life integrated world. Yet, no one warned me of these skills. Without these skills the possibility of work-life integration burnout may happen to you too.

Warning #1: If you don’t know how to set proper boundaries, you will struggle.

Boundaries protect us and what is most important to us. In sports, boundaries set the playing field, keeping the game contained. But, no one talks about boundaries in work or life- instead we are trying to integrate them into one big game. Yet, without boundaries the game of work never ends…(OMG). Though at first thought, turning life into one big volleyball (insert sport of choice) game sounds fun, it is also exhausting. Your body and joints would eventually wear out. Your body will not be able to take another step. You may get seriously hurt. Physically, we need time to rest, to heal, to preserve ourselves to play another game.

The problem becomes that without set boundaries in work-life integration you may eventually reach the point of exhaustion.

Moment of truth! I failed at setting boundaries. There was no playing field to my game. My home, my resting place, soon became a work zone. The players (my team and studio members) soon had access to me at all hours of the day, and I was dropping everything to assist their needs and any hour of any day. Pretty soon I found myself very stressed and always in “work mode.” There was no life integration.

My eyes really opened when every time I would hangout with Jack (my 3 year old), he had to have his play cell phone with him and told me he was busy handling something for work. A 3 year old doesn’t need to be pre-occupied with “work” at 6pm on a Sunday. But that is what his mom was doing. That is what he was learning.

Warning #2: Without clearly communicated expectations you will never achieve balance.

Boundaries can’t be set without the rules of the game. In teaching we called them class room policies and procedures. In work some people call them expectations. You see, not only did I fail to set boundaries, I also failed to set expectations. Without expectations communicated with you and your team, there are no rules to follow, and without rules- chaos happens.

I have a shirt that proudly states across the front “Trained in the Art of Chaos.” Oh yes, I am… thanks to my lack of expectations. But chaos (just like a never ending game of volleyball) is not a place that I can live in forever without it soon becoming a living hell.

The thing about expectations is that they must be set and enforced early in the process. They cannot be set half way though. By that point it is too far gone, and regaining control is very very difficult.

So what would I have done differently?
1.) I would have spent a day or two really thinking about my boundaries and expectations before I took the position.
2.) I would have talked to my bosses about what was expected of me and together came up with a plan to ensure that I could meet those expectations.
3.) I would have communicated to my team and members more clearly what was my role and the expectations that I have for them.
4.) I would have trained my team more effectively on meeting those expectations.
5.) I would have set boundaries- physical ones first. Though centralized, my kitchen table is not the best place to work. Think of a physical place (maybe a home office, maybe the nearest coffee shop or library to actually work). Having a physical space dedicated to work makes your work time more intentional. Doing so allows your work to still be your work— not your life.
6.) I would have set boundaries- digital ones! I know smart phones are awesome! But they also put work at your finger tips. Email, social media, social media marketing, all of it allows you to be in constant communication with work. My suggestion- don’t store work emails on your phone (or at least turn off the notifications when you get an email). Secondly, have a work and private social media pages. And don’t keep your work social media on your phone. Also, get rid of messaging apps on your phone. Lastly, have days where you disconnect. Turn off the phone for 8 hours once a week. Spend real time with your family.
7.) Share your boundaries with your team. Allow them to know that Saturday and Sunday are your disconnect time and that all matters can wait until Monday at 9 am. Instant gratification can wait.
8.) Finally, I would practice discipline and consistency with upholding these boundaries and rules. It’s like you are the referee of your life. And if the ref doesn’t uphold the rules and boundaries, chaos happens.

Unfortunately, I messed up. I never set clear expectations and boundaries. Because of this, I am occasionally still finding work-life integration and trying to manage the chaos I created. I am figuring it out. But like I warned before, because I didn’t set them early enough I am now fighting to regain control. This process is very difficult and something that I am learning each and every day.

My next few blogs I am going to talk about boundaries and how to set expectations. If only someone would have taught me how to set boundaries and expectations earlier in the game, I would probably have a different opinion of work life integration. Therefore, I decided that I am here to help others (especially you working mom’s out there) to figure out how to find peace and balance in the work-life mix.

Shelley

Being a athlete, I was always forced into accountability. You couldn’t play in the game if you didn’t attend practice. So attending practice has been easy for me. But when sports were over, practicing became obsolete. Going to the gym became difficult. When I started kickboxing in 2013, it was different than any box gym. I was allowed to learn new skills. I was being coached. I looked forward to seeing people in class (much like I looked forward to seeing teammates and coaches at practice). And most importantly, I could work hard. For me, it was easy to add this style of “practice” back into my life. But for others, it isn’t as easy.

We all have Gold Medal Days and Gold Star Days. A Gold Medal Day is the day that nothing could go wrong. You feel like 1,000,000 bucks. You complete your tasks with energy. You win the day.

Then there are Gold Star Days. Gold Star Days are the days that you just show up, even when you don’t feel like it, even when it is hard, even when it is not pretty, even when you only have 30% to give.

Personally, I think Gold Star Days are HUGE WINS. On those days you could have chosen to quit. You could have brushed what you are trying to accomplish in the long run off and gone back to old habits. But you didn’t. You stayed in the ring. You found consistency. And in the game of life consistency is as valuable as gold.

So many of us fail to get what we want because of lack of consistency. We are all gun-ho and excited when it is shiny and new, but once that newness wears off, that is where consistency has to win. When you beat the consistency bug that is telling you to remain the same, to not develop those new habits, that is where the long term win happens.

Reward the Gold Star Days. Celebrate the fact that you set out and accomplished something even when you didn’t want to… if it is making it to the gym, smile about it. Create excitement and energy around winning the Gold Star day. That excitement develops into more energy and the next time you have a day that you want to break your consistency— you know that you can persevere. You know that you will stick to what you want, and with each time it will become easier and that excitement will grow.

To all the people who are struggling with lasting change, I feel you. Celebrate the moments that you sucked it up and still did it. That celebration is so much more rewarding then the days that are Gold Medal Days when you “feel like it.” Because let’s be honest, the days that we don’t necessarily feel like it may outweigh the days we do, until we develop the consistent habit.

This mentality can be added to any routine you are trying to add in, not just fitness. And I apply it to eating right, cleaning the house, and so much more. **Please note that I credit this philosophy to Jeff Gears. It is one of the Jeff conversations that has always stuck with me.

In the meantime know that even from a distance I am cheering for you, and giving you the valuable gold star from afar.

-Shelley

“I love to laugh, loud, and long, and clear.”- Mary Poppins.

I think the Disney character of Mary Poppins helps remind me of a few things: One of which is to laugh. So many times we get wrapped up in taking life way too seriously. Everything has to be done, and it takes effort and work to get it done, and effort and work are serious matters. But do they have to be?

Honestly, since becoming a mom, I have been trying to take life a little less seriously and adding more fun into life again. I mean having kids allows you to play like a kid, and though sometimes exhausting because they have insane amounts of energy, it is fun to be creative and so care free. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t work to do… but we often forget that (as Mary Poppins again reminds us) “in every job that must be done there is an element of fun” even if it is sweeping the floor, doing the dishes, or folding laundry.

I decided that in order to really set the tone for my day, I needed to add a little laughter. For years Matthew would sit at the dinner table and recite bad dad jokes the guys would exchange earlier in the day at work. One year for his birthday his sister, Katie, bought him a calendar of bad dad jokes. Each day you tear off the page to reveal the dad joke of the day. I must admit, I chuckle… even at the bad bad ones that are totally stupid and make me roll my eyes.

When I decided I needed to laugh in the morning, utilizing the bad dad joke calendar was a perfect way. The issue became, how was I going to remember to look at it daily. I had to put it somewhere that I wasn’t going to miss. This place is next to the slider. Every morning I let the dog out. We have a counter that sits right next to the slider that I touch each time I open the door. It was perfect. I slide open the slider, Tucker walks out, I close the slider, tear off the bad dad joke of the day, and have my morning laugh. It has been part of the routine every since… even at 4:30 in the morning when my eyes are barely open. I still get my laugh in.

When I was really considering my morning routine beginning each day with a little inspiration, hydration, and laughter sounds a lot better then overwhelm, work, and stress. It’s like I am setting my day up to inspire others, have energy, and find a little fun in everything I am doing. When I am inspired, energized, and playful things get done and I see the progress happening throughout the day. For me, this attitude helps develop my confidence and I get to reflect the person I want to be to Matthew, the people at work, the people I see at the store, but most importantly to Jack and Lily… And that in itself is pretty empowering.

I work in the fitness industry. Every day, I talk to people who desperately want to get into shape. Many of them have tried it all. Home videos, gym memberships, Weight Watchers… You name it.

Nothing. Works.

Sometimes, I even get to talk to someone when they are at their lowest. They want to feel good in their skin, yet with each failure in the past their confidence drops.

As a working mom, I think this failure and lack of confidence effects our home lives too. When we see that we are not successful in reaching our goals or taking control of our health, fitness, finances, house work, relationship, we don’t feel successful. And that feeling is daunting (and perhaps haunting).

Oh, and don’t think your kids don’t notice. They see it all.

So what do we do? We try to overhaul it all at once. We start working out. We go on a diet. We try to organize our bills. We organize and clean the house… and then anywhere between 1-3 weeks, we are exhausted and quit. This results in another drop in confidence, and the pattern repeats.

What if we were to do a different approach. What if instead of a whole life overhaul we started small? What if we developed a new habit around one thing. Over time, that one thing may spread to two. Two spreads to three, and over the course of a year you have so many new, sustainable habits.

So where do you begin?

First, I would have a heart to heart with myself about what I am really looking for to build the life that makes me happy. That would determine what small things I would focus my attention. For some it may be finances, for others it may be spirituality, for others it may be their health or house work.

For me, one of my latest areas of focus was better skin and energy. I know that both of these come with proper hydration. Therefore, I am going start really small and only focus on my water in take.

It is recommended that we drink 64 oz of water a day. In the fitness industry we tell people to drink half of their body weight in ounces. For example, if you weigh 160 lbs, 80 ounces of water would be recommended. With enough water, you will begin to lose weight, you will have more energy, you will have better skin, and so much more.

Now that I know where I am going to focus without too much overwhelm, I need to figure out how do I get my water intake in?

Personally, I know I am more likely to find success if I get things moving in the morning and I don’t have to make those exhausting pushes at the end of the day. Therefore, I try to front load my water.

I drink 2 16 oz bottles in the morning. I also try to have another 2 bottles at lunch, another bottle mid day, and a bottle with dinner. After dinner I slow down my water in take drastically and really only drink to take my evening vitamins and supplements. Doing this, I don’t have to be up all night.
*** Please note, this is just what works for me. We are each different with different preferences on how to do things, as well as life schedules. Therefore, you must figure out what works for you.

Once you master one small thing like your water in take, it becomes automatic, second nature. You don’t have to mentally drain yourself to drink your water. Then, because your water intake is part of your daily lifestyle, you can focus and change something else with more of your undivided attention. You literally have the mental and emotional energy and space to tackle something else without stress and overwhelm.

When it comes to health and fitness basics this may be eating more veggies, packing your lunch (which also does wonders for your pocketbook), or working out 2-3 times a week. Once these are habits, you grow into the next phase, all while gaining confidence and creating more mental space and energy to actually focus and sustain what you want to add into your lifestyle. Small changes, done consistently over time, make big changes.

As always, I would love to hear some of your small changes or things you want to finally make stick in order to grow your confidence and lifestyle. My current one is starting this blog and consistently publishing 2 times a week.

Sometimes by writing down and sharing what you are working on, you are more likely to get moving, and stay accountable to it… so share by commenting below!